created for this...

let's be honest. music makes the world go around. or at least it makes my world go around... especially worship music.. i LOVE to praise God.. it's like breathing in and out for me... and it isn't farfetched to say that i always have a lovesong in my heart for my God.. and its usually coming out of my mouth as well.. always singing... always.

i love the power of song. i think it is the strongest form of communication possible in our world.. it flows out from the inside of people.. it's honest.. and it is universal.. no wonder that we praise the Lord with music.. it makes sense.

i count it a significant blessing.. one not to be taken for granted... that i get to lead other people into the presence of God through worship.. i find joy in waiting to see what the holy spirit will do when his people sing to him... it's kind of like when the music starts... i wait for freedom to fall on the crowd.. and fall on me..

worship is about being free... it's a response to freedom, actually. for me, it comes from remembering what it was like to be completely bound, decieved, and unresponsive to the truths and promises offered by a real Jesus.. there was most definitely a time when i didn't know the love of God... a time when i couldn't possibly wrap my head around unconditional love and freedom.. a time when true worship was inconceivable for me..

i began leading worship for Real Life student ministry when i was fifteen years old. before new life church came to conway, i didn't know very much about God, and i didn't care very much about worshiping Him. the fact that i even ended up on the worship stage is a mystery to me. i was so insecure and oblivious to the point of it all.. but somehow i ended up on stage. not so ironically, that is the same year i began my brutal bout with the eating disorder bulimia. without going into it.. i'll just say that my battle with bulimia nearly stole everything i had.. including my relationship with my Jesus... i was a shell of a person with only one objective: convincing the world that i had it all together.. a backbreaking task, to be sure... and week after week, i walked up the steps of a stage and sang songs into the open air.. without knowing the One i was singing to... there was no freedom.. i was too rigid and boxed in to feel the spirit... too consumed by fear, shame, and deceit.. wrecked and aching .... but then after 5 long years of aimless praise, living beneath the lies that were nearly engraved into my DNA... i was carried straight out of destruction into the glow of sweet peace and clarity in the arms of the God who is Jealous for me.. my God showed me what i'm worth to Him.. and even in my ugly, defeated state.. he saw me as beautiful... and saved me from myself..

ever since the Lord set me free from such hellish living conditions.. i can't even tell you how different my praise to Him has been.. when i sing to him, it comes from a place of the deepest possible gratitude.. i am a new creation and it's because of Him... because of who He is... it's like i can't keep my hands down... i just want to dance and sing and shout... it just flows out of me.. a freedom song...

i know that God called me to be a worship leader.. but what is more than that... God has trusted me with the task of introducing freedom to people who are not free. to people who don't know the love of a real Jesus... to proclaim the truth and say that answers come and healing starts just from being in the glorious presence of the Lord.... it is my objective to teach broken hearts how to sing to Jesus... and it all starts with freedom...

My God is beautiful.. he deserves all the praise... and all the glory... he deserves more than what we can bring him in a song.. but he LOVES it when we really worship Him.. in spirit and in truth.. he set us free for freedom... so that we can worship him with our WHOLE heart.. not just the parts that aren't broken or shut off... when we communicate that he is IT for us... theres no one else... that we belong to Him.. heart and soul.. it's his favorite thing... in fact, he lives there in that place... He dwells in the praises of His people.. he lives inside of our freedom... it's b e a u t i f u l...