december sky..

i do a lot of star gazing.. it's like i can't help it.. if the stars are out, i'm craining my head backward to stair up into the sky... especially lately. i don't know if you've noticed.. but there is something absolutely MAGICAL about the december sky.. you can see every star.. the sky literally shines like diamonds. it's captivating. so captivating, in fact, that on particularly clear nights, my friend becca and i will stay up way too late and drive way out of town just to get away from city lights.. we want to be as close as we can to the sky so we can see all the stars at once.. it's totally worth it.

so i got to thinking about why i love the stars so much.. of course there are the obvious reasons.. for one thing, upon the not-so-rare occasion that i see one shooting itself across the sky.. i get to make a wish.. and i love wishing.. it's just like dreaming, but one step further... always fun:) then there is the undeniable fact that the stars are irrisistably beautiful and fashioned by the One more beautiful than anything we could ever dream up on our own.. the heavens alone are wonderful enough to declare the glory of our God without any of us ever opening our mouths.. but when i stand back and look at the sky.. it is hard to think that anything on our little tiny earth could actually rival the beauty found in th night sky.. that anything could comparitively shout the praises of our creater better than the heavens overhead.. but then i found this verse.. and it's actually pretty cool.. Daniel 12:3 says this:

"'Men and women who have lived wisely and well will shine brilliantly, like the cloudless, star-strewn night skies. And those who put others on the right path to life will glow like stars forever."

did you get that? Godly wisdom makes us as captivating to the eye as cloudless, star-strewn night skies... and living a life that directs others to follow Jesus causes us to glow like stars forever.. wow.. wisdom makes us as bright and breath-taking as the glory of the skies.. and to live a life that points others to the One we follow.. promises us that we will shine like that... FOREVER.. the brilliance won't fade away or wear off... it's eternal.. we can live our lives in such a way.. that people are actually captivated by the simple ins and outs of our day.. the way WE LIVE... declares the glory of our God in the same way that the heavens do... cool right? i want to be like that.

a never-ceasing cadence...

today's been another weird day.. i can't seem to hoist myself back up into the normal swing of things.. could be because my life isn't shifting in the direction i was expecting.. so i can't seem to find a rhythm.. there is no set pace.. but i am not down in the dumps.. or depressed.. i am totally capable of laughing at the usual nonsense that brings me joy throughout the day.. but i guess i am feeling tired a lot... and this tired feeling is most likely stemming from the strength i am expending on trusting God for what is next.. it is exhausting to release control over my life circumstances and give into God's better ways.. i guess i don't realize how much i actually try to control my own life until God steps in and really demands my surrender..

now that i'm finally figuring out surrender, i am learning that submitting to Devine authority is an acquired skill... of course.. it's not like i ever plan on rebelling against God's power over my life.. because what he allows and doesn't allow is obviously out of my control... but one thing that is in my control is my attitude towards the whole idea.. to have peace in the midst of chaos is a choice... it is a battle won inside of my mind.... and it isn't something that someone is automatically good at... it takes practice... kind of like running long-distance.. unless i train in the ways of surrender daily, and really develop a knack for it.. it will wear me out if i try to do a lot of surrendering all at once... like trying to run 10 miles the first day i lace up my running shoes after a long-absence from the track.. SO.. i guess im learning that i can't just surrender my will for God's once a week.. or every day for a while, and then take a break... i have to do it everyday.. first thing in the morning while everything is still fresh and new..

to surrender is to take off self and put on love.. because when i first fell in love with Jesus and agreed to be crucified with Him on the cross... i surrendered my right to wear anything but Love.. that initial surrender meant that i would become like Him.. in essence.. surrender is to clothe myself in patience, kindness, and humility.. surrender is forfeiting the urge (or in some cases, even the right) to be jealous, rude, proud, or self-seeking.. surrender is rejecting lies that make sense and rejoicing in truth that isn't necessarily always going to be crystal clear... surrender is always protecting, always trusting... and always persevering... no matter what circumstance throws my way... surrender is the only guarantee that i won't fail... my day must begin with surrender.... it must begin with surrendering to Love. After all, "His love has the first and last word in everything we do." (2 Corinth 5:14, message)

so in this precarious season of my life.. while im still learning the ropes of surrender.. i thank God that i can rely on something that will always be constant.. a north star... His unfailing Love.. i pray that each day it would flow into and out of me... like a never-ceasing cadence.. like the unforced rhythms of grace.. let this love be the clearest evidence that i reside within the spirit of a good and perfect Father.. and let this love be a constant reminder of where my identity comes from as a blameless daughter of the King.. and please always let me remember that when i hand the reigns of my life over to Love, i need not take them back... they are in perfect hands..

what is in a name?

let it be known.. i love to look up the meanings of names. if i am fond of you at all.. or if i think you have a cool name.. chances are, i've already looked up what your name means.. or if you are on my blog roll, you can count on it.. i just looked every single one of you up a little while ago.. creepy? maybe, but to me it's just really interesting to look up the meaning of a person's name and see if it lines up with their personality.

i mean think about it for a minute.. everything that exists on this planet has been given a name of some sort. and names are obviously important to God because he made sure all of his creation received a name.. starting from day one with Adam. Adam is hebrew for "man of the earth." appropriate right? and then one of the first things God told Adam to do on earth was to give a name to every other living creature.. read the first couple of chapters of Genesis for yourself and see if you don't notice how much naming was going on.. and then, when God created a helper for Adam, Adam named her Eve, which is hebrew for "life." again, so appropriate.. since eve was the first mother ever. are you starting to see why this is an interesting concept? in the beginning, a name carried a connotation with it.. names were given for a purpose... maybe our names are supposed to be part of our identity... perhaps even tell the truth about who we are...

also, think about the times in the bible when God changed the names of His children: abram to abraham, jacob to israel, saul to paul.. do you think maybe God cares about what we are called? i think he wants us to answer to a name that accurately depicts who we are... in other words... i think the name by which we are identified matters.. especially to God..

one more example.. when the angel appeared to mary to tell her she would be carrying the saviour, he specifically told her to name him Jesus. that was a direct order from God.. and Jesus means "God rescues" in Hebrew.. which i think defines who He is pretty well... don't you?

one of my favorite verses in the bible is Isaiah 43:1. it says this: "I have called you by name. You are mine." think about that for a minute. God calls us by our name.

of course, now i am going to tell you what my name means. i love the meaning of my name. callie is greek for "most beautiful." and alise, my middle name, means "noble or of nobility." and those are great things to be called! i like to think that my name, as a whole, means beautiful princess... you can go along with that, or not.. suit yourself :)

now, i want to bring up another interesting idea. let's think about satan for just a minute.. (whoah! where did that come from?) just go with me here. Satan, our arch nemesis, is JEALOUS of us. because God calls us by name, to be his sons and daughters. heirs to the throne.. and we are His chosen... and satan can't go anywhere near God.. let alone, be an heir to the throne.. now, Satan is known as the father of lies. in hebrew, satan actually translates as "the accuser." basically, satan, out of spite, does what he can to take the truth and twist it into unrecognizable falsehoods.

i have this theory.. i think that our names are more significant than we might presume. i think our names can be part of our identity.. part of the way God sees us.. and i think our names can be seen as a gift. something given to us.. that no one can take away. BUT.. i think satan.. being the liar and the thief that he is.. is eager to steal even that from us.. i think he attacks our identity from every angle.. but especially our name... it makes sense.. if we are given a name that carries a specific meaning.. how typical of satan to tell us that that's not who we are.. he wants us to believe the opposite.

i know this is true for me.. God had to practically chase me down and beg me to believe that I deserve to be called beautiful... by name. because satan worked overtime to convince me otherwise... and rob me of my identity (which is so like him).. he started when i was very young.. and if i hadn't, through grace, learned what God says about me... i might still be sizing myself up against the standards of this world.. trying to compete... trying to achieve an image that, by definition, i already am.. beautiful..

now.. this theory obviously won't work in every scenario. for example. my mom's name is sylvia, which means "woodlands." i doubt if satan has spent very much time trying to convince my mom that she is not really a forest. that would be ridiculous. and very easy to do. a lot of people's names don't necessarily make sense inside of this idea of mine.. but none-the-less.. in a lot of cases... this theory proves true. i know because i've talked about this with a few of my friends and it's been true for them as well.. you might think this all sounds like rubbish. but i would challenge you to at least look up the meaning of your name and see if you haven't, at some point or another, believed the lie that you don't live up to the meaning behind your name... you might just be surprised and enlightened.. and if not.. welp...

the joy of christmas... comes from love.

Well.. it looks as though another Christmas has come and gone.. and i must say.. it has been a weird Christmas season for me this year.. what, with all the uncertainty about Australia and the strange financial predicament that i'm in.. i mean, for a second there i let myself think that my dreams were capable of being shattered... and i almost let my joy slip right through my fingers over that bogus idea.. right in the middle of the christmas season! what an inconvenient time to almost lose your joy! but BOY do i love God.. he's so faithful to help me see the truth in the midst of chaoss and confusion.. and the truth is that His timing is EVERYTHING... if i can't go to australia next month.. it doesn't mean i'll never get to go.. it just means that he needs me to wait right now... and lean even harder into the His perfect promises.. so for now.. i think i'll live out psalm 130:5-6 to the best of my ability..

"I wait for the Lord, My soul waits,

and in His word I will put my hope.

My soul waits for the Lord

more than watchmen wait for the morning,

more than watchmen wait for the morning."

and while i wait on Him... i think i'll revel in the certain fact that i am incredibly B-L-E-S-S-E-D... God has surrounded me with a beautiful family and irreplaceable friends... and there is no better time to be aware of how blessed I am than on Christmas day... Today was flawless.. not because we are perfect people.. (ha! far from it!) but mainly because there was so much love all over the place.. and love is all you need on Christmas.. or anytime really.

a little bit of the Bezet family tradition... just a peek..

we need hailee in this one.. but it's cute of me, erin and grace...

erin and Lo were having a pretty in depth phone conversation...

Dan the man came to our Christmas this year.. it was good to have him :)

Cousin Abe teaching Londyn how to work out... haha..


Corban punched me right in the face!

a daddy-daughter dance... precious :)

sleepy people on the couch..

good to have gu this year as well :)

rick and michelle sitting by the fire...

they are playing with the bezet kids' new wii nintendo thing. it's pretty cool..

how cute is he in his spiderman pj's?!?

So... i hope you had a beautiful christmas this year... with lots of love.. and lots of pie. praise God for pie.

good tidings!

twas 3 days before christmas... and erin and I.. searched all over town, for some matching christmas pajamas to buy.. we searched high.. we searched low... wherever festive pajamas might be sold... but we almost gave up and went home because IT"S SO FREAKING COLD! we tried old navy, target, belk, and khols, and even t.j. max... but each store offered nothing but lame granny nightgowns hanging on clearance racks... so with our heads hanging low.. we came ever-so-close to bailing on yuletide cheer... "one starbucks run to warm ourselves up and we're getting the heck out of here"... then with a gleam in her eye and a smirk on her face.. erin offered an unthinkable remark... "i mean, i don't know about you.. but i think i'd be fine with braving the crowds at Wal-Mart.." and so we did... in her car we drove to the old walmart on highway 65... and the rest is history... we'll be sleeping in these for the next 3 wintry nights!!

Ta.. Daaahhh!!! we look adorable.

peace on earth and mercy mild....

my sister... my friend :)

mom's precious new kitty.. i usually don't like cats that much, but she's an exception...

she started to squirm out of our hands... not very lady-like i might add..

sweet little maw maw vern... i think i'm squishing her.

i love christmas... it gives you the best excuse to act like a kid again... and now, we watch the grinch... just like every year :)

good tidings to you! (whatever that means) and a very merry christmas..

broken..

i feel the need to be really honest right now.. for the sake of 'keeping it real'... i think i need to fill everyone in on what is going on with me in my world.. i can't keep acting like it's all roses when we are promised that in this life.. we will go through trials.. i am currently in the middle of one... and i'll admit i didn't expect to be in the predicament that i'm in.. but i'm beginning to learn that it is always safe to expect the unexpected..

as you might already know, for the past year, i have been planning on going to australia to attend the hillsong international leadership college beginning in january of 09.. this dream and i go way back to 2006.. God put it on my heart to go and learn under the leadership of one of the most influential churches on the planet... and i have prayed about it A LOT... and given up on the dream a lot... and had god re-establish it each time i try to take the easy route.. it's been a roller coaster, to be sure.. but all the while i've been fighting to keep the dream alive.. God has been right there.. stretching me.. growing me... unveiling my eyes to my own weaknesses and being strong inside of them.. humbling me (lots of humbling)... restoring relationships that i thought were gone... and making them new again... he's been leading me.. believing in me... L-O-V-I-N-G me. my relationship and dependency on God has changed in a way that i wasn't expecting... it has truly been amazing.. and im more in love with my creator now than i was before i decided to believe him for the impossible...

you see, ever since the first time the thought of going to australia ever flashed in my mind... i've known that i don't have the means to go... i simply do not have the kind of money it will take to sustain a living in sydney for 11 months... but i've come up in the school of believing God for big things.. stepping out of the boat with my eyes on Jesus... walking on water.. and the last time i did that... God delivered me from the deathly grip of an eating disorder with his unfailing love.. but i sort of haven't done the whole 'step out of the boat and walk on water' thing since then... at least not with anything this big.. so i know in my heart that God is wanting to see if i'll keep my eyes on him through this... and let me tell you... it has NOT been a picnic..

don't get me wrong... God is using people to bless me financially... i have not had an expense concerning the trip so far that God has not provided the exact amount of money that i needed.. and exactly when i needed it.. for example, i needed X amount of dollars to pay tuition and reserve my spot at hillsong... and that is exactly how much money i had in savings... transaction made.. then, i needed Y amount of dollars to pay for the plane ticket... and 2 weeks later a family in our church wrote me a check that took care of all but $100 of the airfare.. and then one of my best friends took care of the rest... again.. god's grace and provision so evident in the situation... BUT... it is getting SO close to time to get on the plane... and while so many friends and family have given me money and pledged to support me financially.. i am still coming up short.. and the loan i was planning on taking out just isn't working out the way i thought... leaving me thousands of dollars short, actually... quite scary, indeed.

so all this to say... it might not happen. i might not be able to go to australia right now.. and i have to be okay with that... i have to let God be in control.. and i could probably preach a sermon on why i should be okay with this possibility.. God is allowed to lead me somewhere and then change directions... he has done this to other people before.. after all, Hebrews 11 talks all about the heroes of the faith.. and then in verse 39 we are told that "these were all commended for their faith, yet none of them received what had been promised." of course, if in the end.. this is how it goes for me... i am not so bold as to be angry with God for his sovereign will... but in all honesty, i will be a little out of sorts over it... i mean, for me to have come so far.. believed for SO MUCH... seen so much of it come to pass.. and then right here when it counts... not be able to go? really God?? but i am no fool... i fear the God i love... and i would be CRAZY to want to go to australia right now if its outside of his will... i just have to know His power in quietness and trust.. trust is a simple word until you have to actually embody the meaning... but with out a doubt... this is all going according to his plan... my God is jealous for all of me.. he will get all of me... one way or another.

i have 24 days until i'm supposed to fly out of the United States... or should i say God has 24 days to tell me what to do... go or not go... but i know one thing for sure... i better be listening... i have fully surrendered the dream to him... again. and i will dwell in His shelter either way.. go or stay.. He is always going to be my refuge, my fortress, and my God in whom i trust.. He covers me.. He rescues me.. He answers me... and i Love him... hebrews 11:39 might say that people who have great faith don't always get what they have been promised initially... but verse 40 says that it's because God has planned something better.. something perfect. and i know he wants good things for me.. of course he does. He is the definition of GOOD...

Meanwhile... my prayer to God is not that he send me to Australia... but that he keep working on my heart and making it beautiful for Him.. for His glory... I'm asking God to break me for the things He has set before me.. give me the right passions to chase after the tasks that he needs me to accomplish.. i have been prophesied over a few times that i am supposed to carry the truth of God to the nations.. that my voice will set people free.. OH i pray that God would use me for this! what an awesome job!

and yes, i want to lead worship for the rest of my life... forever and ever... but i want to do more than just jump around on a stage and sing... i want to make a d i f f e r e n c e... and i want to love people with the perfect love of the father... not the imperfect love of callie bezet... and to do that i have to open up my heart more and more everyday... and let God give me the capacity to do this His way... because his ways are higher than mine.. amen? yes. amen.

yesterday my friend becca showed me this video.. and it resonated deeply within me.. because i look up to these guys so much (hillsong united/joel houston).. and its awesome to see them making sure people know that loving Jesus isn't just about jumping around on stage and having fun... it's about noticing injustice and allowing God to cause your heart to ache for a solution... and God is doing that in me currently... the Gentleman i devote my life to... is rearranging my focus... redirecting my passion... and i can't believe i have been so selfish for so long... but it feels great to see the light.. finally.

so my prayer is this... God. Please break my heart for the unnoticeable, forgettable nobodies... and help me to tell them who they are... and what they're worth... and give me the honor of teaching them how to sing to YOU... please.

we come from the land down under..

it's no secret that i love all-things-australia... it may even be safe to say that i'm obsessed... i literally talk about that place ALL the time.. and my sincerest apologies if that ever becomes annoying to you.. but i promise i can't help it... you'll have to take that up with my creator... He made me this way :) 

last week i had an australian-themed birthday party.. and let me just tell you, it was AWESOME!! or "ace," i should say.. we learned a lot of new aussie words that night.. you might learn some yourself if you watch the video below... anyway,  the night was packed full of bad australian accents... great aussie outfits.. heaps of dancing.. OH.. and who could forget rockband!  much thanks to adam funmaker for making that happen.. 

and lucky us... we caught a lot of it on camera so it can go down in the history books as the best birthday ever :) 

here it is for your viewing pleasure.. enjoy! 

release...

i love to write.. anything really... songs, poems, speeches, articles, nonfiction, even research papers.. writing is a release.. it let's whatever is going on inside of you... out. i can't explain it.. but if you're a writer too, you know what i mean... i was a writing minor so, not that long ago, i used to get to write all the time.. but this being my first semster out of school, ever... i haven't been writing as much... but i can change that..

i love poetry.. i like it because it doesn't have to be conformed to a certain pattern or formula.. it can be anything you want.. it doesn't even have to make sense.. which i like, because it isn't uncommon to think or feel things that don't make sense to everybody else.. and sometimes it makes more sense to tell a story with fragments and snapshots.. you don't have to spell everything out.. basically.. little is demanded of poetry.. no rules. no expectations.

so i decided to write a poem.. God's been doing some stuff in me lately.. preparing my heart for what's ahead... fixing broken things that i didn't know affected me so heavily... it's been hard.. but amazing... and i wanted to get it out... so here it is.. (ps i definitely stole the title from somewhere else... but like i said.. no rules)


Dreams and Sewing Machines

my eyes search pen marks on a journal page..
bad handwriting tells the truth of aged hurt
in the midst of fresh joy and healing..
compartmentalized abrasions remain
as beams of New Light shine
like spot lights through ceiling cracks..
beckoning for me to open the forgotton packages..
for nothing can be done with a burnt or broken heart..
and love suffers so much already..
no understudy prepared to take my place..
if i'm to heal.. i have to search out the attic..
to find that which i've lost..
no one worth keeping should be placed in a box..
shoved in hidden corners..
for i know all things can be recovered.
nothing is ever lost. He dusts off the lid..
my hands sift shakily through the contents..
deep breath.
we breathe together..
His breath is life
He's already healed the sickness.
He'll be faithful to cure the disease.
love never fails. honor thy father. love never fails.
and He's been waiting for this..
for years..
so i let go.. clenched fists abandon white knuckles.
i choose to sleep like a child beneath street lights..
sleep while You sing to my fears...
sleep while You mend. sleep while You sew.
sleep while You mend. sleep while You sew.

you did it! world's best cup of coffee... congratulations!

it's official... this is the best possible day to be at the brewery... on the other side of the door there is a wintery mix icing over all of our cars.. yet we are warm and cozy inside of our favorite local coffee shop.. and i have THE BEST wintery day playlist on my ipod... complete with some songs from my two new favorite guys.. joel & luke.. look them up they're great.. and australian :) anyway... moving on.. 

SO... now... i would like to point out the fact that on this day i have finally earned my spot for a coffee mug on the wall of frequent brewery-goers... i couldn't be more proud!  i shall forever cherish my 4"x4" space marked by the pink chalk engraving of my name... or at least i'll cherish it for the four weeks i have left in conway... but none the less... i'm stoked!

and i couldn't have done it without my good friend scott fagaly... who so graciously provided me with the mug you see featured in the picture above... it was his going away present to me for australia.. and i love it... first of all.. because it's hilarious!! i mean.. who has a mug with scott fagaly's face on it?! it makes me laugh... and as we all know... laughing's my favorite :) so big ups to scott for the awesome present.. 

and now i'm drinking my favorite drink on the brewery menu (europe's favorite latte) out of my brand-new mug... about to continue reveling in the truth of psalm 33... aaaahhh... take it all in... 

at a loss for words...

SO... this is my first video blog... and before you watch it , let me explain. it is late. very late... and things are usually funnier in the wee hours of the morning.. right? but i must admit... becca and i would totally do this exact same thing in the middle of the day... after a full night's sleep.. and laugh just as hard.. so.. think what you want, we rule. 

goodbye to 22

dear year 22... it's time to say goodbye... and what can i say, we had some great times together... LOTS of laughs.. quite a few tears... more ups than downs, to be sure.. i think we grew a lot in our 365 days together.. we tried to let everyday change us.. for the good. we didn't know when we started out together that we had so much to learn... but now that you're leaving... you know as well as i do.. that year 23 and i have quite a bit of wisdom to chase... but rest assured.. if there's one thing you taught me, it's that there is just as much to learn from trying and failing as there is to learn from trying and succeeding... and that's a comforting lesson.. i promise to always try, if it's all i ever do... so heres to you and all you gave me... and heres to 23..

Pa Rum.. Pum... Pum... Pum....

Oh Christmas time... it truly is the most wonderful time of the year.. these pictures are from my sister's belated birthday party last saturday night... we love her so much, we decided to give her like 4 parties... but she's worth it.. and check it out, we look like a christmas card..


have yourself a merry little christmas... love, callie and erin



these are my amazing friends... some of the most intelligent and Godly young ladies you will ever meet... and yes, i know.. they're gorgeous.. and most of them are single so if your interested.. holla atcha girl.. i can hook you up (but only if you are as amazing as they are.. and if not, lo ciento amigo)


i can usually be found here...



i hope you are making the most of this holiday season... and remember, Christmas isn't about presents... it's about love, joy, and peace... and snow, cross your fingers!

a case of the mondays...

today was an odd day...  i wasn't quite myself.. i wasn't in a bad mood or anything.. just out of it.. and my self-diagnosed ADD was in o-v-e-r-d-r-i-v-e... i spent the better part of my day at the brewery... which i like to think of as the new life church version of central perk... you can always count on finding friends when you walk through the door... it's my favorite place to go and read.. mainly because of the cute and cozy atmosphere.. plus snickerdoodle monday is always a treat... anyway... today i couldn't get my brain to focus on anything i tried to do... seriously.. it was bad.. i'm currently reading a really great book by erwin mcmanus called 'seizing your divine moment' and i'm really liking it so far... but i think i read the same page like 10 times today and finally just closed the cover to try something else... i got out my bible to read and journal.. which actually lasted for a while... but my thoughts just kept trailing off somewhere else... so i finally gave up on that too... eventually i just glazed over and stopped thinking all together... which i think worried some of my friends.. they kept asking me if i was okay... which i totally was.. i just had a malfunctioning brain... BUT... i have GREAT NEWS... i did end up finding the antedote to my frustrating problem... and i'm pretty sure it'll work every time... because it never gets old.... and it's easy to concentrate once you've engaged in this oh-so-productive activity: 

concentration at its finest... 

we were in not-so-rare form... 

just another incredibly productive day at the brewery... yall all know what i'm talking about..

 

you shine on us..

tonight i went on a long and much needed drive with my friend rebecca... we wanted to see all the stars we could so we went out to petit jean and watched the sky for a long time... fyi.. the best possible theme music for star-gazing is a song called vaka.. look it up it will change your life :) anyway... tonight God was pulling out all the stops.. the sky was unusually clear and we saw tons of shooting stars... i wished on every one of them, of course.. and with one of my wishes i wished for snow.. i WANT snow in arkansas before i leave for australia... it's of the utmost importance!! and even though it doesn't look like it's in the forecast anytime soon.. i believe it will happen.. snow is better as a surprise anyway right? but i think i should tell you... the stars were not alone in the sky tonight... the moon was there too.. but it wasn't just the same ol' moon we see every night.. no, tonight the moon had a halo around it.. becca and i kept trying to figure out the significance of a halo around the moon.. i even asked cha cha... but it did me no good... cha cha always has lame answers anyway.. so when i got home i googled it... and do you know what?? as fate would have it... its an old myth that a ring around the moon is sometimes used to predict snow... how perfect :)

created for this...

let's be honest. music makes the world go around. or at least it makes my world go around... especially worship music.. i LOVE to praise God.. it's like breathing in and out for me... and it isn't farfetched to say that i always have a lovesong in my heart for my God.. and its usually coming out of my mouth as well.. always singing... always.

i love the power of song. i think it is the strongest form of communication possible in our world.. it flows out from the inside of people.. it's honest.. and it is universal.. no wonder that we praise the Lord with music.. it makes sense.

i count it a significant blessing.. one not to be taken for granted... that i get to lead other people into the presence of God through worship.. i find joy in waiting to see what the holy spirit will do when his people sing to him... it's kind of like when the music starts... i wait for freedom to fall on the crowd.. and fall on me..

worship is about being free... it's a response to freedom, actually. for me, it comes from remembering what it was like to be completely bound, decieved, and unresponsive to the truths and promises offered by a real Jesus.. there was most definitely a time when i didn't know the love of God... a time when i couldn't possibly wrap my head around unconditional love and freedom.. a time when true worship was inconceivable for me..

i began leading worship for Real Life student ministry when i was fifteen years old. before new life church came to conway, i didn't know very much about God, and i didn't care very much about worshiping Him. the fact that i even ended up on the worship stage is a mystery to me. i was so insecure and oblivious to the point of it all.. but somehow i ended up on stage. not so ironically, that is the same year i began my brutal bout with the eating disorder bulimia. without going into it.. i'll just say that my battle with bulimia nearly stole everything i had.. including my relationship with my Jesus... i was a shell of a person with only one objective: convincing the world that i had it all together.. a backbreaking task, to be sure... and week after week, i walked up the steps of a stage and sang songs into the open air.. without knowing the One i was singing to... there was no freedom.. i was too rigid and boxed in to feel the spirit... too consumed by fear, shame, and deceit.. wrecked and aching .... but then after 5 long years of aimless praise, living beneath the lies that were nearly engraved into my DNA... i was carried straight out of destruction into the glow of sweet peace and clarity in the arms of the God who is Jealous for me.. my God showed me what i'm worth to Him.. and even in my ugly, defeated state.. he saw me as beautiful... and saved me from myself..

ever since the Lord set me free from such hellish living conditions.. i can't even tell you how different my praise to Him has been.. when i sing to him, it comes from a place of the deepest possible gratitude.. i am a new creation and it's because of Him... because of who He is... it's like i can't keep my hands down... i just want to dance and sing and shout... it just flows out of me.. a freedom song...

i know that God called me to be a worship leader.. but what is more than that... God has trusted me with the task of introducing freedom to people who are not free. to people who don't know the love of a real Jesus... to proclaim the truth and say that answers come and healing starts just from being in the glorious presence of the Lord.... it is my objective to teach broken hearts how to sing to Jesus... and it all starts with freedom...

My God is beautiful.. he deserves all the praise... and all the glory... he deserves more than what we can bring him in a song.. but he LOVES it when we really worship Him.. in spirit and in truth.. he set us free for freedom... so that we can worship him with our WHOLE heart.. not just the parts that aren't broken or shut off... when we communicate that he is IT for us... theres no one else... that we belong to Him.. heart and soul.. it's his favorite thing... in fact, he lives there in that place... He dwells in the praises of His people.. he lives inside of our freedom... it's b e a u t i f u l...

nonfiction...

okay... so i would like to announce my arrival into the blogging world. i've had this blogspot account for a while now.. and for some reason i've never used it... but i think it makes sense for me to start blogging now since i'm about to be leaving home to spend 11 months in australia.. with that said, i am beginning to re-realize why i never used the account in the first place as i am currently encountering the dilemma of 'what in the world do i blog about?' oh the possibilities... do i give a play-by-play of what i've been doing in life?? or of the things i've been learning?? or should i stick to strictly witty posts? i feel like i have some sort of an expectation or preconceived idea about how i should maintain my blog-personality... or whatever. but just to eliminate that confinement.. i am going to go ahead and say that this blog might not be all that entertaining. sorry. it might be a bit of rambling and sometimes nonsensical... but i can promise you that it will be 100% me... i can assure you :)

and now for my first topic of discussion... i would like to discuss the abomination to yuletide cheer that is: inflatable christmas decorations. as i was driving home tonight, i passed a house that looks like they might be going into the business of massdistributing those tacky nylon holiday monsters.. but they weren't selling them at all... they were using them as a symbol peace on earth and mercy mild.. please, someone tell me.. what about a creepy blow-up santa that pops his head in and out of a creepy blow up chimney says 'welcome to earth baby Jesus'? am i the only one who wishes the whole world looked like kevin's street on home alone at christmas time?