slooow day.. a list of facts.. a series of thoughts.. and a mouse attack..

so this day is moving pretty slow.. i've taken care of most of my responsibilities for the day.. so... i'm just going to start listing thoughts.... 

-New Hills United album:: A_cross//The_earth =sheer brilliance.. can't wait to start doing some of the new songs in RL.. there will be some very powerful worship going on all over the earth thanks to the writers at hillsong.. glory to God. 

- In an attempt to be more responsible, i've started saving all my receipts when i buy stuff lately because i feel like that's what real adults are supposed to do.. but i don't really do anything with them besides tuck them inside of an envelope with all the other zillions of receipts... i feel like maybe i'm supposed to be doing something with them? like balancing my checkbook or something? but i don't do that... so i guess i'm only a quazi-real adult... working on it tho. one step at a time.. 

-I have recently taken up the hobby of gardening... never thought the lawn and garden section of wal-mart would seem like such a wonderland to me... but now i have to be careful about going in there.. i LOVE flowers.

- I fell asleep in the laundry room yesterday... i know that's weird. 

- I have a new favorite song. it's called see you soon... playradioplay. 

- I have to plan a big trip before october... i have a plane ticket to use.. maybe i'll visit lydia :) 

- I sang in a wedding on Sunday.. a song called 'so are you to me' by eastmountainsouth..  my beautiful friend Lauren got married to Seth.. it was lovely... i adore weddings.. especially my friend's weddings..  singing in them is a bonus.. 

- I plan on buying a better camera soon... memories are slipping by uncaptured... can't have that. 

- All of my friends from 247 graduated on Sunday and I'm so proud of them.. they are such catalysts for the next generation.. and it makes me better just to watch how they live their lives.. serving and loving.. whenever they can.. i aspire.. and on a positive.. i'll get to hang out with a lot of them quite a bit more often this summer.. some of them I won't see for a while.. 

-Katy's dad found a snake on our front porch last weekend.. and i'm not happy about it.. in fact... i might even have a bad attitude about the stupid snake... i hate anything that slithers.. creeps.. crawls... 

-had a run-in with a ferocious cockroach the other night in the bathroom when i was brushing my teeth.... i mean it was the size of a small pet.. and my weapon of choice? a shampoo bottle...   i'm pretty sure God is trying to prepare me for a future in missions by getting me used to being under the attack of vermin and rodents of every species... like the alien moth that tried to abduct me and my friends the other night... it was as big as a terradactyl. 

- I found a big brown spider crawling on one of my favorite shirts when i pulled it out of my closet on saturday.. post flip-0ut.. i went after it with one of my flipflops.. but the little trickster crawled into the pocket of my shirt.. so i had to kill it while it was inside the pocket and then dump it out. ick.. then, i wore the shirt. that spider is not the boss of me. 

-OMG.. would you believe a mouse just shot out from underneath my desk right in the middle of typing this blog and sent me screaming through the church for someone to help me... then two of NLC's manliest and most heroic pastors, mark pagley and tye hefner, tried to shoo him out of my desk with an umbrella and a guitar stand... this was a mighty effort.. but the mouse was so afraid of them that it wouldn't come out. so now the mouse is occupying my desk.. i have relocated::.. and will remain so until that mouse is toast.. (sick) 

katy.. i'm glad you're home

this is one of my best friends katy... we live together now.. and i love her like a blood relative.. she's the kind of person you just want to be around... we shared a room in college for an entire year and never even exchanged a cross look.. let alone a sarcastic remark or even a frustrated comment.. i wonder if two roommates have ever gotten along as swimmingly.. and when i say we shared a room.. i mean we had bunkbeds.. she had the top... i had the bottem..we were in school housing on academic scholarships... so while bunkbeds are in no way form or fashion.. an acceptable sleeping arrangement for anyone over the age of 11.. at least the bunkbed was free.. any way... i love her to death and couldn't be more stoked that we are living together again... 

since we moved in at the beginning of the month.. we haven't gotten to hang out that much... . both of our lives have actually been pretty non-stop lately... and with all the kris allen shenanigans that have been so extraordinarily monopolizing our tuesday and wednesday nights (congrats kris!).. we really haven't been able to spend much time together...  but today.. for the first time in a while it feels like our lives might actually coincide a little bit more often.. this afternoon she came home and i just happened to be home too... so we got to hang out...  and we just laid in her room and talked for hours... about God and what's going on in our hearts.. and maybe we cried a little.. it was like the deepest possible breath of fresh air.. in and out... 

i love you katy... i've missed you.. 

function..

lately i've been thinking about and talking to God a lot about the purpose for which he created me.. why am i in this earth? what is my function? which part of the body am i? when i dream about my future in ministry.. i dream about worship.. i feel at home when i'm up there singing to God.. so when i dream.. i dream about spending all my time leading multitudes of free sons and daughters with one heart and one mind.. to the throne room of the most high.. in every nation..  

i currently get to lead worship every week.. sometimes several times a week.. which works out great because that is my favorite way to serve.. i feel like i was made to sing to God.. and teach others how to do the same.. the Lord has set me free... and i want to see everyone else set free as well.. but right now.. as i'm getting settled into my administrative job at new life.. i'm learning more and more that sometimes God asks us to do things that we're not good at... and God didn't necessarily design me to do the sort of tasks that i do day in and day out... now, he has most certainly made me capable of doing them.. but as time goes on and i spend my days behind this desk.. i realize that i am not designed for this sort of work... it's like using a pearl necklace as a bookmark.. or playing tennis with a ping-pong paddle.. it is functional.. it might even get the job done.. but the pearl necklace and the ping pong paddle were intended for something else... they function better in a different setting.. (maybe these weren't the best analogies.. but i was coming up short)

I am not at all posting this blog to complain.. in fact, let me just take a minute to praise God for the opportunity of working at New Life.. i absolutely love working for this church.. i always want to work in the house of the lord... no question there.. with that said.. the Lord is really challenging me with this job.. before i took on my position with new life.. i would have described myself as the least administrative person on planet earth.. my brain works in a sporadic series of colors, pictures, and song lyrics.... and this job requires my brain to think in terms of lists, spreadsheets, contact information, and mass emails... needless to say, i mess up a lot..  and it taxes every ounce of brain power that i can come up with to stay focused on the things i do throughout the day.. because my brain just doesn't work that way... 

but God is faithful.. and he uses the people around me to encourage me to know that God has trusted me with this job for a reason.. and He believes I can do it.. even though i'm not the most administrative person.. that doesn't mean i can't learn how to be.. we are all capable of learning to do things we couldn't do before.. and a very wise person with a brain similar to mine once told me that even creative people need to learn to be organized and administrative... it makes for a very efficient and effective creative mind... one of the best kinds of minds :) 

so it turns out that the difficult parts of this job are simply making me better.. i love that. and when the tasks seem menial and mundane.. i can just know that i am working for the Lord.. and not for men... and one day.. in the right timing.. the Lord will trust me with the purpose he had in mind when he crafted me together with my strengths and weaknesses... until then.. i will work at whatever i do with all my heart.. 

Colossians 3:23-24

"whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men, since you know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as a reward. It is the Lord Christ you are serving.."

trusting always.. 

 

blame it on this southern weather...

 

it looks like rain again today... and i wonder if it will ever stop. not that i don't like rain... i like it a lot actually... but usually because of the sound it makes on the roof... and the way it looks as it collides with the window panes.. and for the simple reason that rain usually requires that you stay inside relax.... read a good book, watch movies.. s-l-e-e-p... and all those things are wonderful... but as much as i love all that stuff.. i think i've had my fill for now.. i'm ready to go outside (without messing up my shoes i muddy puddles)... the backyard of my new house has been calling my name ever since we moved in almost 2 weeks ago... but i need a canoe to get out to the back fence.. and why do i want to venture to the back fence?? because that 's where the tire swings are.. and i don't have a canoe.. bummer. so until the sun shows any signs of sticking around long enough to dry up all the rain... we will just have to stick to enjoying the parts of the house that are functional, rain or shine. like the front porch.. 

and friends, let me just say... that the front porch almost makes up for the fact that the weather has been so unbearably monotonous lately.. it is probably my favorite feature of the house.. it makes me completely and perfectly and incandescently happy..  if my car is parked out front, i promise that you can either find me in my room or on the front porch swing... i love that thing.. a couple of nights ago we had people over for one of the first times since we moved in.. it was quite picturesque... we pulled every chair in the house out to the front porch and all sat around the porch swing... telling stories and laughing non-stop.. actually, we did that in just about every room in the house.. but we got started on the porch :) ... and later on we had iced sweet tea in mason jars (complete with homegrown mint leaves from the front flower bed).. so cute :) it was a good start to the many, many good times we will have on oliver street this summer.. so stay tuned...  as soon as it stops raining... i'll tell you about the badminton tournament in the back yard.. and the  BBQ on the back deck.. and the smores around the fire pit.. and the outdoor dancing... and the fireflies ... 

some pictures from that night...

 

the newly engaged rachel and seth.... :)

playing and singing... 

i did a little reading on the side of my starbucks cup...

The Way I See It #141

"I used to feel so alone in the city. All those gazillions of people and then me, on the outside. Because how do you meet a new person? I was very stumped by this for many years. And then i realized you just say, "Hi." They may ignore you. Or you may marry them. And the possibility is worth that one word."

--Augusten Burroughs

kangaroo journal...

last night was my first night in the house on oliver street... i finally got my furniture arranged how i like it all my picture frames in place and the curtains up... the place starting to look more like me... and feel less like an empty house.. eventually i'll stop referring to it as the house on oliver street and start actually calling it home... not for awhile though.. eventually.. but i do love it there... it's quite a charming little house.. it's definitely got something :) 

as i was getting ready for work this morning... in my new bedroom.. sitting at my same dresser mirror.. putting on my same make up and fixing my hair the same way i always do..  i felt different..  it seems like sometimes, I can just tell the atmosphere has shifted.. something has changed.. even if only ever-so-slightly... the page has been turned and i am not the same person i was, even yesterday.. i have found a new beginning.. which is convenient because i just used the last page of my journal.. time for a new one! (i love getting new journals..) 

a while back.. one of my bf's becca gave me a journal with a kangaroo on it... it's completely cute..  it was an early going away present for australia.. i have had it sitting on my dresser since she gave it to me.. even after australia fell through the cracks for january... i left it there so i wouldn't forget about australia... and so i wouldn't forget to think outside the box.. i promised myself i would write in it the day my feet met the australian soil... but recently i wondered if i shouldn't go ahead and use the journal.. after all, i need a new one... and that one is just sitting there collecting dust.. so friday when i was moving into the new house.. becca was sitting in my room while i sifted through the boxes of my life... i asked her what she thought.. should i use the journal now? or wait and see if i ever go to australia?? 

she picked it up and opened the cover... i had completely forgotten about the note she'd written me inside on the first few pages... she sat on my bed and silently read the note she'd written... and followed by saying.. 'you should definitely wait... and you should definitely re-read the note inside...' i said okay and kept unpacking...

yesterday before elevation... i was reading my bible on my bed and found something that i wanted to journal about... so i went for the kangaroo journal to see if i wanted to use it... i opened the cover and read the note inside.. as i sat there and read what she'd written so many months ago... huge tears began to well up in my eyes... it wasn't because she'd written about australia.. and i was sad that i didn't get to go.. in fact, she barely mentioned australia.. she mainly talked about how much of a dreamer i am.. and about how God loves that about me.. He made me to be the kind of daughter who believes in Him for big things... and dreams the dreams of His kingdom... and as i sat there reading.. i felt like i'd forgotten how to be that person.. and my chest began to ache.. it was the strangest thing.. literal heart-ache.. i felt like i had let the part of my heart that only knows how to dream.. completely shut itself off in fear of not seeing it's endeavors come to fruition.. i think the jolt from not getting to go to australia caused me to put up some walls.... and ignore a major part of who i am.. reading that note from becca reminded me that that part of me was even there... and not only was it there.. but it was neglected and suffocating... and i didn't even realize.

so i've decided to wait... and not use the kangaroo journal until... later.  i still believe that God is faithful... so i'm not sure what dreams coming true looks like... but i know i'll find out.. because "i am still confident of this: i will see the goodness of my lord in the land of the living.." ps 27:13 ...And until then.. I'm going to dream again.. and use the part of my heart that aches... i'm no good if i'm not using all of my heart..