have you ever gone through something big in your life.. and needed SO BADLY for God's truth to interrupt the confusion buzzing around in your head so you can think straight for even one minute.. and then wa-lah.. you open up the latest book you've been reading and it just so happens that the chapter up next seems like it was written to speak to YOUR VERY SOUL about what you are going through at the moment?? i'm pretty sure this happens a lot to everyone.. or at least it happens to me all the time... like today.
if you've read any of my recent blogs, you know i've been sorting through the postponement of a dream of mine.. to go study for a year at the Hillsong International Leadership College in Sydney Australia.. And (sparing you the details already mentioned in some of my other blogs) i recently learned that i don't get to go yet.. that's right.. i have to w a i t ... but today i came across the secret to being content in waiting... and i know you're all DYING to know what it is.. well get ready.. because i'm going to tell you..
i've been reading 'walking with God' by john eldridge.. and today i read a section called 'until God becomes our all'.. and this section is basically about being satisfied by God and God alone.. a quote:
"We give our hearts over to so many things other than God. We look to so many other things for life... Especially the very gifts that he himself gives to us. they become more important to us than he is. That's not the way it's supposed to be. As long as our happiness is tied to the things we can lose, we are vulnerable.."
when i read this.. i realized that my devastated state after finding out that i have to wait for australia could be a pretty telling symptom of me seeking after the gift rather than the giver... ouch.. nobody wants to realize that about themselves.. but in my case.. this has definitely been true.. and now i'm going to use a word that NOBODY wants to associate with themselves: much to my surprise it seems as though i have become an idol worshiper.. YIKES. yes. me.
but what are idols? in bible terms.. an idol is anything that can take the place of God in our lives.. anything that we seek after more than we seek after his heart.. and when it comes to me and my australian dream.. you can pretty much take a mugshot of me from the side and stamp 'GUILTY' across the bottem.. because i did that.. woops-i-daisey
God plants desires (aka future gifts) in my heart.. good.. healthy... kingdom desires.. and i get excited about what God's gonna do.. and i want my dreams to come about SO BAD.. that if i'm not careful.. i find myself seeking after the desire.. seeking after the gift... more than i'm seeking after the only one who can make those things happen in my life.. and then the God i love has become a means to an end.. rather than the end in and of Himself.. and again i have to say.. woops..
do you want to know the MAIN problem with seeking after the gift and not the giver? for me it is that i get these pre-conceived ideas about what the gift will look like.. or how it will arrive.. and here's ther worst one: WHEN it will arrive... and that probably just takes all the fun out of it for God.. because when i don't see my gifts arriving the way i thought they would.. i start to hang my head and push out my bottom lip.. imagine what that does to the heart of God.. the giver of every good and perfect gift.. seeing his daughter stomp her foot and pout when she doesn't get her gift when she thought she was going to get it...
there are no guarantees in a life submitted to Jesus.. we are asked to walk by faith. not by sight.. which means that we have to walk without being able to see into the future.. which means we probably shouldn't create our futures in our own tiny little minds before God has the chance to blow us away.. we should probably just listen for God's voice... because after all.. if we are His sheep.. we will hear him telling us to wait.. as of today.. i get this.. i'm not a pro at it.. but i get it.. we have to close our eyes.. and follow the sound of His voice..
i came across this verse today. i've read it before. it's even underlined in my bible.. but it means something different to me now that i see what i've been doing. i've been making idols out of my dreams for the future.. and not paying close enough attention to God's voice leading me.. and i wasn't even aware that i was doing that..
isaiah 42:16-17..
I will lead the blind by ways they have not known,
along unfamiliar paths I will guide them;
I will turn the darkness into light before them
and make the rough places smooth.
These are the things I will do;
I will not forsake them.
But those who trust in idols,
who say to images, 'You are our gods,'
will be turned back in utter shame.
right about now is a good time to know that there is no condemnation in Christ Jesus.. now that i know i was doing that.. all i have to do is turn away from that mistake.. and chase.. once more.. after the heart of my Abba.. close my eyes and make hearing His voice my only goal.. and pay closer attention to his directions... let him guide me and make the rough places smooth. but it's also important that i keep dreaming the dreams he gave me.. they are.. after all.. a glimpse of the gifts i am sure to recieve in the future.. but i won't chase the dreams... i will chase the dream-giver. and that, my friends, is the secret to being content while we wait on dreams to come true...
2 comments:
Apparently you're the way God is speaking to me this week. Why is it that we are dealing with completely different circumstances, but what God is teaching you teaches me? I desperately needed to hear this, Callie. Thank you for posting it. I love you friend.
You are beautiful beautiful beautiful. It's hard to know how to put into words what it is that I want to say, but I absolutely love that you take the things you don't understand and take them to God and just wait for his answer. It reminds me of Jacob, and how he wrestled with God until the morning and said 'I will not let you go unless you bless me'. In this case, your blessing is that you hear the voice of God, and oh how he speaks to you... After Jacob was blessed, it was physically apparent to all. He walked different and this is also where he was called by his new name, Israel. I believe so much that this is what God is doing for you too. You walk differently because you have walked through such a heavy time of waiting, you walk with dignity and grace, and a strength I'm not sure you're even aware of. But it's ovbvious to everyone else. And your name... I do believe He's given you a new name. With Jacob, he was renamed Israel because 'as a prince he had power with God and prevailed'. You, his beautiful daughter, have prevailed. He's blessed you, made you walk differently, and given you a new name... one who prevails no matter the circumstance. That's something that is far greater than any trip you could ever go on... it's how we're changed, not what we do... love you.
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