i know that my God does not fail.. and that i will see his plan to prosper me unfold soon enough.. but today i can't see anything that lies ahead.. and the future, though it may be filled with hope.. looks pretty unclear... so today i am sad.. and i will simply mourn.. because i am only human.. and the head knowledge of the truth of God's promise doesn't always make its way down to my heart in a timely fashion..
a little while ago i went up to the church for worship and to pray (this week we are having worship and prayer everyday... its a special treat) and for a long time all i could do was weep before the Lord.. my offering to God was a chaotic mixture of tears and challenging praise.. because sometimes singing seems like more of a sacrifice than an offering.. but faith is being sure of what we hope for.. and confident of things that we have not yet seen come to pass.. so i'm learning more and more that sometimes we have to praise God for who He is out of faith.. because no matter what we're facing.. nothing changes the fact that he sits on the throne... and we can just know that even though we might weep in the night season.. joy is coming in the morning.. and as someone very dear to me pointed out today.. 'i've seen enough of God's faithfulness in my yesterdays, to know that he will be faithful in my tomorrows'..
oh yes. i do trust in the faithfulness of my Jesus.. He has proven himself worthy over and over and over.. i cannot recall a time that he has ever let me down.. so my prayer today is that God will continue to direct my path.. guide my steps... and show me the right way to go.. and that i would stay close enough to His heart to hear him speak and that i would obey whatever he says to do... and of course, i'm also praying that it would be His will to still send me to australia for the july intake of hillsong college.. because that dream is still so big in my heart.. i have to believe that God put that desire there.. because all my delight is in Him.. forevermore.. (psalm 37:4)
and i also pray that God will use me here in arkansas while i'm still around.. God give me a bigger heart for my city... and show me what to do with the time you've given me to still be here.. help me to lift up my eyes and see the harvest... i know that there is great need for you all around... and for me, this town is quite possibly the most comfortable place i'll ever know... but i refuse to curl up and go to sleep while i wait for adventure... God use me now.. my heart is willing..
3 comments:
my dear friend, i'm so proud to know you. the way that you have handled this situation...the rapid change of plans...the following God no matter how different it looks than you had imagined...you have handled it with a grace and an assurance of the God we serve that i can only marvel at.
Watch out world...Callie just may help change you.
Callie-you have no idea what you wrote meant to me. I mean, I hate getting emotional at work, but I can't help it when God uses someone else's pain to speak to my own. Pretty much your entire 3rd paragraph (about worship being a sacrifice and faith is being sure of what we hope for) was a profound revelation for me in what I have been wrestling with the last few months. I love the way God talks to you. I love the way you write about what God says. Thank you for sharing. I hope it's helpful to know that what you discover as you wrestle with the unknown is helping people as they wrestle. I believe that makes you something akin to a "banner", as in "The Lord is our Banner". You go before the people around you and make a way for them to understand. That might also be the gift of prophecy. Hmm...:-)
Love love love you, Callie Bezet! and I miss you so much! I admire your unfailing faith and trust in God. He is going to totally reward you for your committment!
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