3 days...

so today brings the lovely miniature spring break i've been blessed with to a close... and it has been MOST beneficial.. i've mainly just hung out by myself a lot.. i don't do that much because i'm such a people person.. but sometimes i just need to allow the pace of life to come to a crashing halt so i find some time to be alone.. plus i don't mind my own company :) it's been a quiet 3 days... the lord is at work within me.. and the changes he is making are most welcome... i've been praying for awhile now that God would give me a fresh revelation of who He is and what he's doing on the earth.. and he has done just that.. of course my paradigms are still in the process of shifting..  but considering how much higher God's ways are than mine.. i imagine my paradigms should constantly be in motion.. shifting more and more towards a better understanding, and therefore a more accurate embodiment of sacrificial love and the awesome power of the Lord... it's about time i start looking and thinking more like someone who knows what those things are... or at least someone who's trying to figure it out... i'm also trying to figure out what it means to be meek.. like.. not just to appear meek.. but to actually BE meek.. i honestly don't know if i am meek or not... but i want to be because it is the meek who will one day inherit the earth... so i'm going to learn more about it :) what a gracious and merciful God we serve.. i am, no doubt, a slow learner.. but he is so patient with me.. i am so thankful for the way the lord desires to let us in on his mysteries.. it makes life oh so exciting :)  

carried away...

I have literally just sat outside all day listening to the birds singing and taking in the glory of this beautiful sunshine.. i started off with some coffee (which always involves my good friend mr. fagaly.. well his face anyway)... and then i got carried away sharing secrets with my lord... and taking the time to do things that i normally don't. like drawing. i love to draw.. i've promised myself i'd do it more often.. even if it's just something simple and really quick. it makes me feel more like me.. when i get too busy to do the things i love.. i start to feel like someone else..  

so today is just about me and God... and it never fails... the lord has been messing with my heart.. and i'm trying hard to listen.. and hear him clearly... i can't tell yet what he is trying to do with me or what is coming next... but my steps are ordered.. 

"lord i belong to you.. i want to be who you created me to be.. why would i ever want to be anyone else? have your way." 

mr. fagaly

something simple :)

by the way...

Always be full of joy in the Lord. I say it again—rejoice!  Let everyone see that you are considerate in all you do. Remember, the Lord is coming soon.

Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus. 

~Philippians 4:4-7

Fleetwood...

attention ladies and gents.. i am SO excited to announce that i am now the proud owner of a new macbook!! i named it fleetwood.. i'm hoping you are clever enough to guess for yourself why i named it that... i'm a big fan of cheesy puns.. (cheesy puns? sounds like some sort of a grossly unhealthy snackfood) anyway.. i've wanted a mac for a long time... so let me tell you for a second how faithful God is. God has really been showing me lately that he genuinely does care about the little things in our lives.. and he really does consider everything we do.. 

the Lord promises us in Matthew 7 that when we ask for something.. it will be given to us.. i feel like it's important that i emphasize the fact that we really can ask him for ANYTHING.. and if it's in his will.. he really does give it to us.. because he's got the heart of a Father... and fathers.. dads.. really desire to provide for their children.. it's natural to them.. dad's are providers... and one step further... dad's love to bless their children... the bible says "your father knows what you need before you ask him..." he also knows what we want before we ask him... and i believe it's his desire to give us those things.. scripture says that God gives good gifts to those who ask..  but rest assured... he will do it in his own way.. and in his own timing... 

this year all i wanted for Christmas was a mac computer... i mainly wanted it because i was going to be going to australia at the beginning of the year and i wanted to be able to ichat with my friends from the other side of the world.. so i asked God if he'd get me a mac.. in fact.. i made a list of everything i would need to go to australia and began to pray that God would provide.. and the list was really long and a lot of the things on it were unnecessary (like sperrys and stella perfume.. thanks erin)... anyway.. the point is... i asked God for both things that i needed.. and things that i simply wanted... and today.. 4 months later.. i crossed the last thing off of the list.. this mac...  and the cool thing is i didn't have to pursue obtaining any of it.. it was all given to me as a gift.. or as a part of my new job.. like this mac.. so.. while i am not currently in australia, nor do i have a clue what the future holds... its just amazing to me how God blesses my heart by taking care of the little details of my life... it just proves that he's SO faithful.. and he really is a God who considers everything we do... 

Psalm 33:13-15 (New International Version)

 ¹³ From heaven the LORD looks down 
       and sees all mankind;

 ¹⁴ from his dwelling place he watches 
       all who live on earth-

 ¹⁵ he who forms the hearts of all, 
       who considers everything they do.

AND.. just for the record... the word 'consider' means to think about something deliberately or carefully; to reflect... the Lord thinks deliberately and carefully about everything we do... he's not too busy.. he doesn't have better things to do... He's God.. so there's no sense in wasting time trying to wrap our minds around whether or not it's possible for God to care about the small details of our lives.. we can just take it as truth and stand on it :)

MEANWHILE, on a less serious note.. today i made a video blog because i wanted to play with my new computer.. SO.. this is a semi-boring glimpse into what my day looks like as the Office Coordinator at New Life Church GLR... except for today was sort of a slow day.. i recorded this in the late afternoon when there wasn't much to do.. so it's not actually a very accurate depiction of what my day is like... nevertheless.. here ya go! 

 

erin...

there aren't very many relationships in life comparable to the relationship shared between sisters.. best friends come close.. but there is something different about having someone in your life that has been there at every milestone you've ever passed.. she's closer than a best friend.. she just knows you.. she can read the expression on your face just by hearing the tone in your voice over the phone.. and she can tell the difference between your fake smile and the smile that starts in your heart... she's watched you grow.. helped you conquer life's challenges.. she's seen you at your best and she's seen you at your VERY VERY worst.. she's laughed and shared in the happiest of memories.. and she's stuck with you through times of loss and brokenness.. and she knows exactly where you're coming from because she came from the same place..

our mom has always called erin and me "daylight and dark" because we are so different.. and i'm really hoping this doesn't carry any implications with it but... for some reason i'm darkness and she gets to be light.. i'm going to believe that it has to do with skin complexion and hair color.. and hopefully nothing else.. hmm.. but we are.. we're quite different.. everything from her bright blue eyes to my dark hazel eyes.. she's blonde and i'm brunette.. she's a genius at math and i can barely add... i love to write poems and songs.. and she loves to hear them ;) and we are different in other ways too.. ever since we were kids i've always kind of been the loud one who got into trouble whenever possible.. and she was always the angel child that all mothers hope and pray for.. and it doesn't matter how much i grow and change over the years.. i really did myself in as a youngster with that smart mouth of mine... i can't seem to shake the reputation of being somewhat of a tough-skinned spit-fire as far as my family is concerned.. but i promise.. no matter what they say.. i am sweet :) and erin will forever be the sensitive and gentle-hearted one.. you can't change that about her.. and no one ever should.. there is fierce strength within her sensitive heart.. and that is a gift.. God uses her to love and prayerfully protect so many of His own.. and she does it faithfully..

its an interesting thing.. growing up alongside a sister who is so much different than i am.. because it's such a natural tendency to look over at her and wonder how on earth we managed to come from exactly the same roots and be so very different in character.. and i think its a beautiful testimony of God's creativity.. he makes us all distinctly unique.. no two the same.. because we are all intended to bring him a different portion of His glory that only WE were designed to retreive.. which is incredible if you really think about it..

i am so thankful that God blessed me with such a beautiful sister to go through life with on this earth.. she is so good at knowing everything about me and still loving me... reminds me of Jesus :)

we are sisters.

we are friends...

"A sister is a little bit of childhood that can never be lost."
~Marion C. Garretty

love you erin :)

freezing cold friday fun night...

So today has been absolutely wonderful... i started out at work.. which was really great. fridays are my favorite because it's so laid back and i get off at noon... then i went to lunch with my mom.. which is always a treat.. we went to lenny's and she filled me in on all the latest american idol news.. top secret info that she found out by listening in on other people's conversations in the church office... i'd tell you what she said.. but then i'd have to kill you.. so you'll never get it out of me. ALSO a great fact about today is that i got my first pay check (!!) which enabled me to go shopping with one of my bffs and former roommate katy barber.. we went to park plaza mall and tore that sucker UP.. (which means we got heaps of awesome stuff) and it was totally God's favor bc we asked him to help us shop... People... God will go shopping with you.. you just have to ask!

anyway... then later on we came over to the Shatswell's residence.. where i am right now as i post this incredible video from tonight.. i'd like to preface this by saying that it's extremely cold.. something like 37 degrees and its raining outside.. and for some reason.. it feels like the north pole in this house... so we found some creative ways to get warmed up.. we sure do know how to have fun :)

ps.. i apologize for the shakey camera... and any quasi-questionable dancing... we are just keeping it real.

The definition of HOPE

it's monday night... and i'm sitting at my favorite coffee shop in town surrounded by friends.. all of them from different walks of life.. all of them have a different dream.. all of them are promised a hope and future... and as i sit here in my chair i can't stop thinking about the word hope.. have you ever considered the definition of hope? it is such a common word.. and it is everywhere in the Word of God.. we all talk about hope all the time... especially when it comes to the future... and i can't speak for everyone, but i think i've had the wrong idea of what the word actually stands for.. because i've always seen having hope about the future as just simply being optimistic.. having a positive outlook about life.. and maybe.. (fingers crossed) just maybe God will work things out in my favor... but if he doesn't... i'll just figure out how to be content with whatever happens... but after examining that belief... i'm positive that that view doesn't really line up with what i know about my beloved Jesus... nope. my God says it's safe to hope in Him.. so then what is the real definition of hope? the dictionary will tell you that hope is the feeling that what a person desires will turn out for the best... but the kind of hope described in the bible is more than a feeling.. having hope is more than seeing the glass as half full... i'll explain..


I am doing a beth moore bible study right now called "living beyond yourself" it's about the fruits of the spirit.. and today i started learning about patience.. one translation of the greek word for patience is a word that means endurance.. 1 Tessalonians 1:3 tells us that endurance is inspired by hope.. and there it is the infamous word: HOPE. the ability to persevere is born of hope.. think about it... to persevere means to be relentless in pursuit of a purposed goal... even in the face of opposition.. and the ability to do this comes from hope. there is no way that someone could acquire the strength and motivation to keep going.. and going.. and going... in the midst of wind and rain and trial and tribulation.. from hope.. if hope is just an optimistic feeling... because feelings are fleeting.. and they change like the weather... and they can't be trusted..


i learned today that the Greek word for hope is elpis, and it means the "desire of good with the expectation of obtaining it." EXPECTATION. hope is the expectation of promises fulfilled. there are no 'maybes' involved in hope.. it is not wishful thinking. It is expecting. believing. knowing. KNOWING that the fight is worth it.. no matter what you're facing... or how confused you are by what is or isn't going your way.. you KNOW that the outcome.. though it may be completely beyond your control... will shine with the glory of the Lord.. because He works all things together for the good of those who love Him... to Hope in the Lord is to KNOW His goodness.. and to swear by it.. to brace yourself with that knowledge.. and so we know the Word tells us in psalms to "be strong, take heart, all you who HOPE in the Lord.." but it could also be worded like this... "be strong, take heart, all you who know the Lord comes through on His promises..." and Jeremiah 29:11 says that the Lord's plan is to GIVE us hope for the future... so here is some good news.. we don't have to come up with hope on our own... hope comes from the Lord.. hope is a gift.. the ability to expect the Lord to deliver on his promises is a Gift.. a gift that comes along with being filled with the spirit... hope inspires endurance::patience... so as we wait on the Lord to deliver... he fills us with hope.. which is the knowledge of His faithfulness.. and we are able to smile at the future :)

true:false

Have you ever questioned whether or not what you are believing at any given moment on any given day.. is true? that question might seem confusing at first so i'm going to try to clarify.. I'm not talking about what you believe about creation.. or angels or demons.. or once-saved, always saved.. yadda yadda.. i'm actually talking about on a day-to-day basis.. the ideals, opinions and beliefs you reference in order to conjure up a reaction to everyday life... the way you perceive things.. what you believe about yourself.. your gifts.. your dreams... your weaknesses... is what you are believing actually TRUE? because the things we believe, whether they be true or false, govern our approach to just about everything: the way we interact with people, the effort we put forth at our job, even our approach to God...

this is SUCH an important concept to have on your radar at all times.. because the enemy is ever-so-tricky.. he's constantly throwing lies in our direction.. and i do mean constantly. if we aren't on our guard.. we'll make an agreement with him.. if we aren't paying attention.. we'll agree to take in a whispered falsehood that he managed to slip into our drink when we weren't looking... and then BAM. before you know it.. the untruth is in you... working itself into the way you think about EVERYTHING.

the only way i know how to further explain what i'm talking about is to tell you why this idea occurred to me in the first place.. a while back i read the book 'walking with God' by john eldridge (this book comes highly recommended by me by the way.. it will do wonders for your ability to hear God's voice telling you which way to go) there is a section in the book where he talks about asking God 2 questions pertaining to your daily walk: Lord, how do I think i'm doing? and Lord, how do YOU think i'm doing?

i have only done this twice.. the first time was the night i read about it in the book.. and i cannot tell you how vital it was for me to ask God to correct my thinking that night.. the way i was believing about myself was giving me a crooked and timid posture towards the Lord.. i'll explain. when i asked God to give me clarity about what I was believing about my daily walk with Him, the words that i sensed he was telling me were distracted and lame. so i went to one of my all-time-favorite websites for further understanding of what the Lord was trying to tell me: dictionary.com. lame means crippled or physically disabled; impaired; weak; inadequate; and unsatisfactory. distracted means having attention diverted; incapable of behaving, reacting, etc. in a normal manner due to worry or remorse. wow.. so, that sounds pretty bad, right? and unfortunately.. it was pretty accurate.. i was hanging my head pretty low at that time.. and my interaction with God was reflective of what i was believing.. i mean, there's no way i was going to be able to approach the throne of God with confidence if i was believing that trash.

so then i asked God to fill me in on how he thought i was doing.. and immediately the words rendered and reciprocated were resounding with my spirit.. i then looked up the definitions of course.. rendered means to be submitted or presented for for approval; to give or make available; to give what is due or owed; to surrender or relinquish; to be yielded. the Lord was telling me that he sees me. he sees my sacrifice and all of the things that i've laid at his feet in order to obey and love Him.. i don't know why.. but there is nothing like the affirmation that comes from knowing God sees you trying.. that he notices you.. immediately my walls came down.. and the barriers that were set in place to keep me from feeling the love of God came crashing down.. the Lord showed me that i'd been walking with my head down.. keeping busy.. and stiff-arming his affections toward me.. all because the enemy had me convinced that i sucked at loving God.. but the definition of the word reciprocated spoke truth into my low opinion of myself. reciprocated means to give or feel in return; to give and receive reciprocally; an interchange.. basically, the Lord let me know that he delights in the way i love Him.. that his heart races at even just one glance from me.. i smile at the thought of that.. even now :)

so that was an awesome interaction with God.. and surprisingly enough, weeks went by.. and i didn't ask God these 2 oh-so-important questions... and of course, the enemy set out to get me again... i was feeling discouraged.. and like so many times before.. i forgot to look around for my accuser..

but the Lord reminded me this weekend to ask Him again: Lord, how do i think i'm doing? The answer: despondent. Despondent? do i even know what that word means? nope. so i looked it up. the definition of despondent is feeling or showing profound hopelessness, dejection, discouragement, or gloom. ick. that's not a good thing to believe.. but there i was, believing it. so then i asked for the truth: God, how do you think i'm doing. His answer: radiant. radiant: emitting rays of light; shining bright; bright with joy, hope, etc; radiant smiles; a radiant future.. man. that is the EXACT opposite of what i was believing.. no surprise there.. stupid satan. and the cool thing about God saying that i am radiant is that (i realized this the next day after flipping back through a few weeks of my journal) last week i prayed that the Lord would make me radiant.. i actually took a verse that ben ghormley wrote for the song we are singing in a wedding this weekend and wrote it in my journal like a prayer:

make me radiant

without blemishes

i wanna be your blameless bride

pure and innocent

in your righteousness

i wanna meet you dressed in white...

anyway.. the lord was answering my prayer.. calling me the very thing that i had asked him to make me.. and immediately.. my wrong posture was corrected. my confidence was restored...

so.. ALL THIS (i realize this is a seriously long post) to say that it is so vital to ask the Lord to correct our wrong thinking.. we have to ask him to let us know if we are believing things that are false.. and counting them as true.. because the enemy is going to do what he can to shatter your confidence.. and if you are believing God's heart towards you to be anything less than "i love you daughter (son).. you are radiant with my light.. your life is my priority... " then maybe you should consider the source of your belief..

"No wepon formed against you will prevail, and you will refute every tongue that accuses you. This is the heritage of the servants of the Lord, and this is their vindication from me," declares the LORD.

Isaiah 54:7