God is in Arkansas...

what is god doing? where is he moving? what is he up to?? where does he need me right now? because that is where i want to be.. last week i listened to a podcast from brian houston and he talked about how the best 'footballers' (soccer players) on the field are always the ones who know how to move themselves to the place where the ball is going.. the place where someone needs to be ready and waiting.. the best players have their head in the game and watch closely to know where their presence is going to be the most effective... those are the players that get the most done for their team.. and the ones who get to play the most.. the same goes for the kingdom of God.. it's all about being in the right place at the right time..

my life has taken an interesting turn as of late... the door to Australia has been indefinitely shut.. and who knows if God will open it back up.. i hope he does.. but i do know that i'm not going to move a muscle unless he says to.. in the meantime i've been forced to ask God some pretty hard questions.. and he's been giving me some seriously helpful answers.. and the past couple of months have been nothing short of an awakening for me.. God is waking up things inside of me that i didn't know were sleeping.. and he is revealing himself to me in ways that i didn't realize my eyes were blind to.. he's been humbling me a lot.. he's shown me that while i had my sights set on australia.. i wasn't looking at the harvest here in arkansas... the lost and hurting people that i talk to day in and day out... i didn't give them much of my time because i had the mindset that i'd be leaving soon... but i was wrong... and lately the Lord has been showing me that i need to lift up my eyes.. the harvest is h.e.r.e... right now this second...

mainly i've just been learning that i need to ask God what he's doing.. what he's thinking.. what he needs me to do.. because, sure, i have grandioso dreams and God is behind me 100% on those... but he values conservative-bible-belt-Arkansas just as much as he values third world countries.. and godless cities in Europe.. and underground churches in china (aka future destinations for callie bezet).. and even though God has given me a heart for places like these throughout the globe.. i haven't given God much of a chance to cause my heart to break for the people in my own town.. i've been too busy thinking that i was meant for something better than that... i can be so arrogant. that is a skewed perception of my calling..

it's not that i don't have a heart for my city.. it's just that i have placed more value on loving the people i need a passport to see.. like that is somehow more noble or important to God.. and while that might be more admirable in the eyes of men.. God just wants a willing heart.. those willing are the ones he can use the most.. the ones who are content to serve anywhere.. even at home..

so for now.. i am committed to becoming this kind of a person.. the kind content to serve anywhere.. even if it means the same place i've been serving for the past 8 years... i am in no way too good for that.. if we're going to be honest.. i'm not good enough.. i am only capable of such a task through Jesus who shows me grace.. and maybe if i get that down.. he can trust me to get on an airplane and do the big things in my heart... at least i think that's how it works.. God shows himself faithful to the faithful... so i better be faithful.. and value what i have in my hand.

God showed me this verse yesterday:

"also, seek the peace and prosperity of the city to which i have carried you into exile . Pray to the LORD for it, because if it prospers, you too will prosper."

(not that i am in exile in my hometown, but still) if my city prospers.. i too will prosper. good to know. i've got to be faithful with what the Lord has already given me.. and trust that i am in the right place at the right time.. there is a time for everything.. if you ever begin to doubt the significance of timing read ecclesiastes 3:1-8... timing. timing. timing... everything hinges on timing.. in the meantime.. God is giving me more of a heart for the people at home.. he is giving me a heart for His house... the church.. local first. then global.

i love how God can make old things new... a fresh revelation from God can change even the most mundane things into a new adventure.. there is always more to God.. there is always a side i haven't seen before... just when i think i know what he's doing in me or where he is sending me.. he proves that he is up to something new that my mind didn't in any way conceive... and he is growing me and stretching me.. and sometimes the growing hurts... but he is more interested in my character than my comfort... which can be confusing at times.. but he always proves that he is working for the good... i don't think i've ever been more clueless about someone.. yet more in love with Him at the same time.. his thoughts never cease to be higher than mine... and his ways are better... he makes ordinary things extrodenarily beautiful.. only He could do that..

boombox

so right now i'm at my desk at work.. it's a rainy tuesday and i've pretty much finished up what i'm supposed to do today... minus one or two really easy things that will take like 2 seconds.. i'm listening to one of my all-time favorite cd's.. that's right.. i said cd's.. because the computer at my desk is a dinosaur... and it doesnt have speakers so itunes and pandora.com are incompatable.. bummer.. no worries though.. lucky for me there is a perfectly capble boombox located just at my toes there beneath my desk... and i'll add that i've gotten pretty good at adjusting the volume, skipping songs, and pressing pause with my feet.. anyway.. a boombox that plays cd's has been made available to me.. GLORY.. now i have an excuse to pilfer through all my old cd's... so i just went out to my car to see what i've got tucked away in my cd case thingy.... here's what we've got:

coldplay: parachutes (that's what i'm listening to right now... LOVE this cd.. very mellow and mellow is my favorite)

JABN.. that's for you brennan ward :)

Matt Wertz: twentythree places
my FALL mix that i made 2 years ago... or i guess 2 falls ago... whatever its just a lot of my favorite songs..
Amos Lee

augustana: all the stars and boulevards

the used: in love and death

a random cd labeled summer! (but the dot at the bottem of the exclamation point is a heart..hm)

lifehouse: no name face

Coldplay: x&y

switchfoot: the beautiful letdown

mae: destination beautiful

destiny's child: survivor

all american rejects: move along

elton john: greatest hits

journey: greatest hits

coldplay: viva la vida

mariah carey: daydream (tied with hanson for my first cd ever and i still have it. haha)

panic@ the disco

john mayer continuum

boyz II men: cooleyhighharmony

imogen heap

enough britney spears cd's to embarrass anyone.

incubus: morning view (this cd and highschool went hand in hand for me)

bryan adams: the best of me

NLC: shout to our God.. (with cale mills' shouting face on the front)

lovedrug: everything starts where it ends

hillsong london

shane&shane: pages

hillsong: all of the above

dave barnes: brother, bring the sun

becca's "day from hell" mix.. haha.. it's actually not as depressing as it sounds :)

mat kearney: bullet

brooke fraser: albertine

brooke fraser: what to do with daylight

Dixie Chicks: taking the long way
Misty Edwards: Onething Live 2007
Brandon Chandler... this is tyler gilbreath's cousin from portland.. he's really good.. and really in love with carriebeth james :)

denison witmer

taylor swift: tim mcgraw

taylor swift: fearless

dashboard confessional: a mark a mission a brand a scar

Damien rice: O

plus there are about 3 or 4 cd's that just say 'worship' on them... no telling what your gonna get on those.... most likely a bunch of hillsong stuff knowing me :) .. or there's the awesome possiblity that it is a rough recording of a Real Life worship service from God knows when... those are always... interesting (to say the least).

wow.. i forgot i had a lot of that music.. and i've just been toting it around in the trunk of my car! now...  i am aware of the fact that that is a very random bunch of cd's... some of them are VERY old and haven't been listened in years... and some of them are newer.. some of them are (in my opinion) timeless... and to be honest i have no idea how some of them even got in there.... but if you can draw conclusions about somebody based on their collection of random cd's.. i have no idea what this says about me... i guess that im diverse?

i love listening to old music... a bunch of those cd's are definitely tied to specific time periods in my life.. i bet a lot of you can probably relate to that.. certain songs can trigger a memory.. and when i listen to them.. i can go straight back there in my mind.. like a time machine or something... which is really fun.. so today i'm thankful for the awesome boombox under my desk :) 

random details...

One of my really good friends recently posted a facebook note in which she listed 25 random things about herself... and i found it very intriguing.. and i thought.. hmm. that's a good idea for my next blog... but then i got to thinking about it and i wasn't sure if i could even come up with 25 random things about myself... and i still don't know if i can.. but im about to give it a try.. here we go..

1. i am absolutely aweful at parking my car in 90 degree angle parking spots... i get it crooked every time.

2. i sort of can't stand having long finger nails.. i always keep them short.. and along those same lines, you will probably never see me wearing fingernail polish.. too much work and it chips off in one day. i can't figure out the point.. (but i always paint my toenails.. go figure)

3. i know how to play the trumpet...

4. i play 3rd base.. and i'm not scared to say that i'm pretty good at it :)

5. crooked pictures on the wall don't bother me at all...

6. i might be the least observant person you will ever meet.. for instance.. my dad got a brand new truck and i walked right by it on my way out and i didn't even notice it sitting in the driveway...

7. i love to draw and paint.. but i don't really do it that much..

8. i collect bracelets from the trips that i go on... and the trips that other people go 0n... so if you ever go anywhere cool.. get me a bracelet! (unless i already told you i want a wood-carved zebra from kenya.. you know who you are)

9. i love airplanes.. i call window seat.

10. i am impressed by large vocabularies...

11. i have a map of the world on the wall in my room.. because i want to go everywhere... (except antarctica.. please God never send me there)

12. i could (and probably will) eat special K every day for the rest of my life... i had it for breakfast and dinner today..

13. soy milk.. please

14. i share a birthday with bob barker from the price is right...

15. i have never worn braces.. or even had a cavity.. and i have just one thing to say to my parents in regard to this fact... you're welcome.

16. i've never died my hair or had highlights or anything like that... and i don't ever plan to.. too much upkeep...

17. there is always.. without fail.. a song stuck in my head

18. i use every excuse possible to make a wish.. 11:11, shooting stars, an eyelash on my face.. or someone else's face.. those pretty fuzzy flowers that grow in the grass in summer time.. what are they called? OH.. and here's a weird one: i always wish on the blue m&ms.. idk why but i sarted that when i was a kid.. you close your eyes and grab one.. if it's blue you get to wish..

19. purple is my favorite color.. but if you know me at all.. you probably already knew that... i don't really own clothes that are purple tho.. hmm.

20. i know how to put water in the radiator and check the oil in my car...

21. i love music.. and i love movies... but i can't stand musicals (mary poppins doesn't count.. i love mary poppins... and all disney movies are exempt.. who doesn't love disney?)

22. i almost won the spelling bee in the 4th grade.. but i misspelled the word crate and lost to a girl who peed her pants in the middle of spelling crate the right way... she peed her pants in front of the whole school.. and still beat me... and to this day i'm a terrible speller...

23. ummm... this is getting hard.. okay 3 more... uuh.. i met justin timberlake in the 8th grade..

24. i have metal plates and screws in my right wrist...

25. i want to go play tennis... let's go..

my day in the sun..

I am a happy girl! 64 degrees outside today! that's definitely good enough for me :) today genuinely was a great day... i will fill you in.

last night i knew that this fab weather was on the way... trust me.. i have been watching out for a warm day like a hawk.. so i went to bed wearing running clothes.. because i already knew i watned to seize the beautiful day in the morning and i wanted to dress for success...

but when i woke up this morning there was a special treat planned that i had forgotten about.. instead of running straight out the door.. my sister had come out to my parents house where i currently live... and we got things going with homemade cinnamon rolls... made from scratch using my maw maw B's famous recipe.. and that in and of itself is a reason to rejoice and be glad for this day that the Lord has made... those things put the doughboy to shame.. BUT.. the cinnamon rolls took a little longer to make and enjoy with the family than i expected.. so i had to scratch my bike-ride off of my list of outdoor activities for the day... (but no worries.. my schwinn knows she has a rain check) and eventually.. out the door i went... destination: nob hill.

so to start out i always park my car at the links clubhouse and run down Irby until i get to the nob hill subdivision.. then its up..up..up.. and down.. down.. down... and then back up.. and back down.. it's a pistol of a run if you haven't ran in a while.. and since we have been experienceing subzero temperatures as of late.. i only get to run once or maybe twice a week (because i really hate treadmills)... so i was expecting to be rusty on the hill... but today the sun was shining.. i had my ipod blasting fellowship church (great for running minus two slow songs).. and i had an extra dose of energy.. so i ran the whole way without ever getting tired... probably because sunshine is my favorite..

then it was time for more outdoor entertainment... so i went out to the river to read.. (okay toadsuck dam.. but 'the river' just sounded more poetic than 'toad suck').. and per usual.. i spread out my fluffy pink queensized comfortor on the grass next to the steps that lead down to the water.. now usually when i do this.. i lay there for hours and read.. or write.. or whatever.. and today i most definitely had my bible.. 2 books.. and a beth moore study in tow.. but today i didn't want to busy myself with any of that.. because today.. the second i pulled my car into the lot i was captivated by litereally hundreds of beautiful white birds hovering over the white caps of the river... i didn't know what kind of birds they were.. but i pretended they were seagulls since im obsessed with the beach.. (later on a lady with an enormous bird brochure and a sweet set of binoculars filled me in that that they were actually ring-billled gulls... but i still kept up the seagull daydream) the birds were incredibly beautiful.. it was like they were flying in slow motion... the sight was breathtaking.. and it moved me to be still.. to quiet my thoughts... just breathe the air and watch the birds flying..

(my camera's not that great but you get the idea)

in those moments when i was still.. and completely quiet.. i didn't want to get out my books.. or my journal.. i knew i just needed to wait.. and listen.. this is a new development for me.. i have recently delved into the art of waiting on the Lord to speak to me.. and seeking after the sound of His voice... in the past i have allowed myself to be far too ADD to wait on God's voice to reach my heart.. but we were created to hear from our creator.. and to be intimate with him.. and so as i sat there in the quiet i resolved to listen for Him.. and after a bit.. i could hear Him.. God just said relax.. nothing is different.. i love you.. everything is taken care of.. music to my ears.. or music to my heart rather... and i could just really sense that the recent chaos in my life was never really chaos... He is constantly moving and working all things together for my good... and also while i was sitting there... i could sense the Lord telling me that we are all on the brink of something bigger than we ever thought or imagined was going to take place.. like he is about to release his spirit throughout the earth in a mighty way.. and He is making sure to take care of His own.. we really can cast all our cares on Him...

so then the sun set behind the trees.. noting the end of what has been.. by far.. my favorite day in a while... i got to hang out with my God outside all afternoon... what a delight :)

my favorite..

attention ladies and gents.. i have a very important announcement to make.. this is my favorite Ben and Jerry's icecream.. i literally get excited at the thought of getting to have some.. because not only is it delicious.. it has a clever name AND a beautiful message written on the inside of the container.. but mainly it's just delicious.. and it comes complete with tiny chocolate peace signs.. what could be better?

an extension...

i am so ready for warmer weather... and i think i've pinpointed the reason i am in such dire need of spring to hurry up and get here already.. it is because i love to be outside.. and right now, it is too cold to be outside for any significant amount of time... aside from the occasional cold and miserable outdoor run.. i tend to post up next to any fireplace made available to me.. and read books.. don't get me wrong.. i love books. books are fine. but being outside is medicine for my spirit.. the perfect cure to any off-day... i dont know if there is anything i enjoy more than taking in, first-hand, the beauty of God's creation.. i am fascinated by creation.. creativity.. creating.. and one of the coolest things about creation is that its an extension of the one who created it.. every song you've ever heard.. or book you've ever read.. or painting you've ever seen.. etc. is an extension of the person who created it.. a little piece of who that person is slipped into the ingredients of whatever it was they conjured up in the creative process.. so when i look around at the beauty of the great outdoors.. i can't help but get all starry-eyed thinking about the beautiful God that created it all...and God really doesn't hold back when it comes to His creation... He wants us to know who He is.. and recognize his beauty.. there are so many different facets of His beauty.. the many colors of his personality evident in the changing of the seasons..

and there is something about being outside that i think aligns us with God as creator and puts everything in perspective.. or at least for me it does.. it's looking at the sky full of stars.. and knowing that it has looked exactly like that ever since the beginning of time.. or standing beneath an old oaktree.. preferably the kind with spanish moss hanging so low it touches the ground.. and knowing that tree has been growing there for a hundred years.. or standing at the edge of the ocean and knowing that you have no idea which shores the water rushing up around your ankles has seen or where it will go.. or hiking alongside a river up to the top of a 400ft waterfall.. and being utterly terrified and amazed at the same time as you gaze down through a rainbow at the fury of the water crashing so far below.. the earth is just so naturally beautiful.. there's nothing man can do to enhance what God has done.. nothing can make it better... creation, in its most simplified form... is more beautiful than any thing man could ever dream up on his own.. so we know that God must be the one behind it all... and He has set it before us... to enjoy.. what a beautiful gift..

indeed... i am ready for warmer weather so i can get back out into creation.. it's like i feel more connected to God when i can be outside.. so as soon as the weather warms up.. i, along with a friend or two.. will be venturing out.. making the most of our local options for outdoor activities.. whether it be the trails at petit jean.. climbing pinnacle (yes, even the hard side audra) riding our bikes all over conway, running salem trail, or just spreading a quilt out in the back yard to read a book... i'm ready for some fun-filled outdoor adventures.. days spent taking in the beauty of God.. or days of glory.. as some would call them...

tonight..

i love tonight.. i'm at my friend carriebeth's apartment.. and we are with our friend becca (katy was here, but she left) .. and we are TOTALLY doing the girly-est things possible.. eating chocolate... laughing at everything under the sun... dreaming about the future.. talking about our weddings.. and all the many, many places we'd like to go in the world (before and after said weddings).. where we'd like to live life...  we're dreaming about adventure.. and telling secrets... and listening to all our favorite songs (kind of like the playlist for life-in-general)... oh yes, we all have stars in our eyes.. it's so much fun to just be girls and think about all the things that God still has up his sleeve.. there is SO much left out there to be found... God has so much in store.. and it's nights like these that help me remember that the things in our lives that are still 'to be determined'.. are so worth the wait..  cheers to that..