surprise...

My mom just walked into my room with these little puppies.. that's right. they're push-up bars.. she picked them up at the store today..  watch out world.. i'm about to be SO FINE.. 

just call me predictable patty..

that's right.. i filled this thing out... even though i had good intentions of NOT filling it out because my girl cec said i would... not to mention it's a mile long.. o well.. 

Callie-ology

What is your salad dressing of choice?

rasberry vinaigrette or balsamic vinaigrette... and if those aren't available.. i go for whichever one has the least calories.. who wants a to eat a salad coated with a zillion calories?? not this girl. 

What is your favorite sit-down restaurant?

hmmm... sit-down restaurant? are there 'stand-up' restaurants? my fav would probably be any seafood restaurant located on the beach... i'll have the grilled tilapia with a side of steamed veggies..  and i'll be wearing a sundress.. and after i want to go for icecream... :)

What food could you eat every day for two weeks and not get sick of?

i eat special K with yogurt and berries every morning... and it never gets old... unless there is no vanilla soy milk in the fridge.. in which case that stuff tastes like shredded cardboard... 

What are your pizza toppings of choice.

some combination of vegetables usually... or spinach and chicken.  

TECHNOLOGY

How many televisions are in your house?

hmm.. let me count them 1,2,3,4... there are 4. but ask me how many of them i watch... that would be a big z.e.r.o. unless you count american idol (go kris allen!)... but  i usually watch that with a bunch of my friends in town.. (did i mention that i live out of town.. i do)

What color cell phone do you have?

pink... 

BIOLOGY

Are you right-handed or left-handed?

right.. 

Have you ever had anything removed from your body?

about a quarter-inch of the bone from my right forearm... it's a long story, but i have a killer scar from the whole ordeal... 

What is the last heavy item you lifted?

two enormous decorative vases.. we used them to decorate for an event in the NLC foyer... i carried them back to their home in the hallway.. (they probably aren't heavy to normal people, but i am a bit of a weakling when it comes to lifting things..)

Have you ever been knocked unconscious?

no but i passed out once when i gave blood... don't ever give blood, people.. it ruins your life.. unless of course you have one of those rare blood types and you're the only person on the planet that can save a dying child's life.. in which case.. why are you sitting here reading blogs?  get your butt to the hospital and give blood... but eat a cookie first.. or you will pass out cold.. which is embarrassing.. take my word.. 

BULLCRAPOLOGY

If it were possible, would you want to know the day you were going to die?

my initial reaction is no... but have you ever seen the movie big fish?? it makes a great point.. if you know the day you're going to die.. you can take part in as many reckless activities as you want between now and then, and know you will live through them all.. right up until that fateful day.. like smuggling bibles into the most dangerous, Godless parts of the world and such... 

If you could change your name what would you change it to?

hmm.. well, i definitely would never change my first or middle name.. i love the name callie alise.. and since my last name will be changing at some point.. i don't have any specifications other than that it must be an upgrade from my current last name.. i rather like being a Bezet.. so  hopefully my new name will be just as wonderful.. and i'm sure it will be.. 

Would you drink an entire bottle of hot sauce for $1000?

one thousand dollars?  absolutely.. hot sauce comes in small bottles.. and i'm super tough. 

DUMBOLOGY

How many pairs of flip flops do you own?

one zillion x's π ... i really need to get rid of a lot of them... anybody need some flip flops?

Last time you had a run in with the cops?

a run in? i saw some cops at the gas station the other night?

Last person you talked to?

Chros O, Josh Hoover, Mel Amrine... i don't remember who was last...  

Last person you hugged?

My dad.. he gets a hug everyday before i leave for work :)

FAVORITOLOGY

Season?

Usually whatever season is taking place at the time...  but ultimately it is SPRING.. because of all the flowers and it just feels like a new beginning...summer is great too because i am obsessed with the beach and laying out.. and fall is probably the most beautiful idea God ever had...  really i like all the seasons that allow me to be outside without freezing to death... so i will take this opportunity to say that winter ruins my life every year starting January 2.. (i love cold weather during the holidays.. but the day they're over.. it's time for spring.. but i think i'd LOVE winter if i lived in colorodo) 

Holiday?

arbor day.. i love trees :)  okay, really it's christmas.. but that's not very original is it.. i also love halloween, don't judge me. 

Day of the week?

FRIDAY!! 

Month?

hmmm... i do have a favorite month.  it's april. 

CURRENTOLOGY

Missing someone?

Lydia.. and all my world-changing friends in 247.. 

Mood?

sleepy.. but i'm about to fix that with a run.. i do love endorphins.. 

What are you listening to?

hillsong... go figure. 

Watching?

nothing.... but i have good intentions of watching pride and prejudice tonight :) my mother rented it last week and i want to watch it before it goes back... 

Worrying about?

"who of you by worrying can add a single hour to your life?"

DEPENDS-OLOGY

Do you always answer your phone?

i've gotten better... but no.. usually never.

It's four in the morning and you get a text message. Who is it?

nobody in their right mind...  text at 4am if you want to encounter the worst possible version of callie bezet... 

If you could change your eye color what would it be?

well.. my eyes change colors on their own... from green to hazel.. and sometimes they look brown.. so the answer to this one is that i wouldn't... because i would look crazy with blue eyes and all the other colors are already available to me.. 

What flavor do you add to your drink at Sonic?

nothing... i want sweet tea... carbonated drinks will kill you slowly.. unless you are at a movie.. then you can get a diet coke and you will be fine. 

Do you own a digital camera?

yes. but it goes through batteries like they're goin outta style.. so everytime i go to use it.. the batteries are dead... it's sad really... so many uncaptured memories.. *sigh*

Have you ever had a pet fish?

um.. not of my very own... i don't want one.. you can't hold a fish... might as well have a plant. 

What's on  your birthday wish list?

umm... i don't really have a b-day wish list.. but if we can pretend for a minute.. i really need a new ipod.. i have a nano from 3 years ago and it only fits 1000 songs.. which stinks.. ipod nanos are for the birds... 

Does the future make you more nervous or excited?

excited! the best is yet to come!

Do you have any saved texts?

no.. out with the old.. in with the new :)

Ever been in a car wreck?

a couple of fender benders... but nothing serious praise God.. 

Do you have an accent?

well.. i don't usually think so.. not until i listen to a recording of myself speaking.. and then the answer is YES.. bad. but when i travel i usually get asked if i'm from texas.. the answer is no. i've been to texas like twice.  I'm an arkansas girl.. born and raised... 

What is the last song to make you cry?

i haven't cried because of a song recently... 

Plans tonight?

yes.. i have a list (apparently i'm a list maker):

go for a run (it's a beautiful day)

spend time with my Jesus (yes, i put that on my list even tho it's a given)

clean the bathroom... maybe even some laundry...  

maybe coffee break to see some friends..

Have you ever felt like you hit rock bottom?

hmm... yeah i think so.. it was right before the Lord healed my life... i'll never forget what life was like before grace and freedom... 

Name 3 things you bought yesterday?

umm.. i split a pizza with becca.. that count? i get paid in 2 weeks... praise the LORD.. 

Have you ever been given roses?

yes but i'd rather get daffodils or tulips... or daisies.. or a bouquet of sharpened pencils :) 

Current hate right now?

on a more serious note... i hate seeing perfectly beautiful daughters of God struggle with insecurity and self doubt.. drives me nuts. 

Met someone who changed your life?

of course.. especially recently.. 

What song represents you?

hmmm...... 

Name three people who might complete this:

i don't think anyone else will... the people prone to do this kind of thing have already done it :)

Would you go back in time if given a chance?

i like this question... the answer is yes... on one condition.. i would want to be able to keep all the wisdom i've gained thus far in life... and then i'd probably do it all again... but if i had to go back and do it all again without knowing what i know now.. the answer would be no. 

Have you ever dated someone longer than a year?

yes.. 

Will you be in a relationship 4 months from now?

all signs point to.... i have no idea... 

Would you be a pirate?

would i be one? YES... i already am one.. but not the kind that sails the 7 seas with an eyepatch and a peg leg... i'm what you might call a pirate of music... music piracy isn't stealing.. it's sharing .. and sharing is caring :)

What songs do you sing in the shower?

haha.. everything.. i do my best singing in the shower.. albeit embarrassingly loud... as my family likes to inform me when i get out...  i sing whatever is stuck in my head... there's ALWAYS a song stuck in my head.. most recent shower song: 'day is dimming' by Brooke Fraser. 

Ever had someone sing to you?

dear future husband somewhere out there... this question is dedicated to you.. 

When did you last cry?

umm.. i don't usually cry often..  but last night i got teary eyed at something that is happening currently in Aurora's life... also, last week  i cried at the movie 'he's just not that in to you..' i must have been having a super emotional day that day.. or something. 

Do you like to cuddle?

yes... but i think this is a dumb question.. 

Have you held hands with anyone today?

um. no.

Who was the last person you took a picture of?

ummm.... probably myself.. i was playing with photo booth on my mac.. that never gets old to me.. i still laugh at every crazy-looking picture... everytime. 

What kind of music did you listen to in Elementary school?

things like phil collins, wilson phillips, garth brooks, whitney houstin, brooks&dunn, hanson, mariah carey, boyz II men, etc... i was awesome. 

Do you believe in staying close with your ex's?

umm... i never have.. and i don't think it's a good idea.. not fair to your future husby or wifey... 

Are most of the friends in your life new or old?

most of my closest friends i've come to know over the past 4 years... is that new or old? 

Do you like pulpy orange juice?

ew... no way jose... 

What is something your friends make fun of you for?

hmm..... my friends don't really make fun of me... maybe my lame dance moves?

What is something you're saving your money up for right now?

i need new speakers in my car.. mine are busted.. i also need new running shoes... mine are almost shot. 

When is the last time you ate peanut butter and jelly?

iiii... don't remember. but i had a banana w/ peanut butter about 30 minutes ago. 

What were you doing at 12 am last night?

reading... no.. maybe playing my piano... idk which it was but i did both before i went to sleep at around 1:30

What was the first thing you thought of when you woke up?

i don't remember... yes i do.. i'm just not going to tell you (i'm so mysterious).. 

sing and play...

i grew up to the sound of a my dad's low voice humming a melody just over the quiet music of his old spanish acoustic guitar.. one of the most soothing sounds imaginable.. i love to hear my dad sing and play... he sings like an angel and taught himself how to play.. but my dad's not one of those guys that gets out his guitar in large groups of people so everybody can hear him be talented.. he's more prone to play when he thinks nobody's listening.. 

i can remember sitting in my dad's lap when i was probably about 4 years old and having him pick out various songs on the guitar at my request so i could sing along while he played.. you know.. classics like mary had a little lamb and ring around the rosie... and my dad would just play and sing with me.. i wish i had it on video... it's one of my favorite memories.. 

and when i was about the age of 5 until i was.. maybe 10? my dad was in a band.. i actually have a lot of childhood memories sitting at  tables with my mom and sister in a bars sipping on shirley temples with cherries in the bottom (no alcohol.. duh) and clapping for my daddy after every song.. his band was called 'the hole in the wall gang'.. i still don't know what that name means.. anyway, it was my dad and two of his friends steve and joebob.. they sang a bunch of old songs.. the other two guys usually sang lead while my dad sang low harmony.. but my dad always sang brown eyed girl. and it was my song because back then i had brown eyes (i think they're hazel now.. but my driver's license says green.. hm.)... and every time they played that song i felt like a princess because they were playing it for me :) also.. my dad played base.. i always thought that the base was really cool because it looked cooler on stage than the acoustic guitars the other two guys were playing... it was red.. and more hardcore :) as far as i was concerned my dad was a rockstar.. haha... anyway.. i digress.. my dad is musical and i love it.. 

right now i live at home with my parents.. (im thinking of moving out into a little house in downtown conway with my old roommate katy pretty soon.. which i am VERY excited about.. stay tuned for more details in that arena) but living at home definitely has its perks.. one being free groceries and no rent... another being that at any given time of day.. my dad can be heard throughout the house singing and playing his guitar.. the mellow background music of my life :) one time he was alone in the living room and i don't think he knew i was listening from around the corner.. i heard him playing and singing the song "you make me feel like a natural woman" by the great Aretha Franklin.. haha.. cutest thing ever!  anyway.. hearing my dad sing makes me smile.. it's something i'll always love about him.. 

3 days...

so today brings the lovely miniature spring break i've been blessed with to a close... and it has been MOST beneficial.. i've mainly just hung out by myself a lot.. i don't do that much because i'm such a people person.. but sometimes i just need to allow the pace of life to come to a crashing halt so i find some time to be alone.. plus i don't mind my own company :) it's been a quiet 3 days... the lord is at work within me.. and the changes he is making are most welcome... i've been praying for awhile now that God would give me a fresh revelation of who He is and what he's doing on the earth.. and he has done just that.. of course my paradigms are still in the process of shifting..  but considering how much higher God's ways are than mine.. i imagine my paradigms should constantly be in motion.. shifting more and more towards a better understanding, and therefore a more accurate embodiment of sacrificial love and the awesome power of the Lord... it's about time i start looking and thinking more like someone who knows what those things are... or at least someone who's trying to figure it out... i'm also trying to figure out what it means to be meek.. like.. not just to appear meek.. but to actually BE meek.. i honestly don't know if i am meek or not... but i want to be because it is the meek who will one day inherit the earth... so i'm going to learn more about it :) what a gracious and merciful God we serve.. i am, no doubt, a slow learner.. but he is so patient with me.. i am so thankful for the way the lord desires to let us in on his mysteries.. it makes life oh so exciting :)  

carried away...

I have literally just sat outside all day listening to the birds singing and taking in the glory of this beautiful sunshine.. i started off with some coffee (which always involves my good friend mr. fagaly.. well his face anyway)... and then i got carried away sharing secrets with my lord... and taking the time to do things that i normally don't. like drawing. i love to draw.. i've promised myself i'd do it more often.. even if it's just something simple and really quick. it makes me feel more like me.. when i get too busy to do the things i love.. i start to feel like someone else..  

so today is just about me and God... and it never fails... the lord has been messing with my heart.. and i'm trying hard to listen.. and hear him clearly... i can't tell yet what he is trying to do with me or what is coming next... but my steps are ordered.. 

"lord i belong to you.. i want to be who you created me to be.. why would i ever want to be anyone else? have your way." 

mr. fagaly

something simple :)

by the way...

Always be full of joy in the Lord. I say it again—rejoice!  Let everyone see that you are considerate in all you do. Remember, the Lord is coming soon.

Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus. 

~Philippians 4:4-7

Fleetwood...

attention ladies and gents.. i am SO excited to announce that i am now the proud owner of a new macbook!! i named it fleetwood.. i'm hoping you are clever enough to guess for yourself why i named it that... i'm a big fan of cheesy puns.. (cheesy puns? sounds like some sort of a grossly unhealthy snackfood) anyway.. i've wanted a mac for a long time... so let me tell you for a second how faithful God is. God has really been showing me lately that he genuinely does care about the little things in our lives.. and he really does consider everything we do.. 

the Lord promises us in Matthew 7 that when we ask for something.. it will be given to us.. i feel like it's important that i emphasize the fact that we really can ask him for ANYTHING.. and if it's in his will.. he really does give it to us.. because he's got the heart of a Father... and fathers.. dads.. really desire to provide for their children.. it's natural to them.. dad's are providers... and one step further... dad's love to bless their children... the bible says "your father knows what you need before you ask him..." he also knows what we want before we ask him... and i believe it's his desire to give us those things.. scripture says that God gives good gifts to those who ask..  but rest assured... he will do it in his own way.. and in his own timing... 

this year all i wanted for Christmas was a mac computer... i mainly wanted it because i was going to be going to australia at the beginning of the year and i wanted to be able to ichat with my friends from the other side of the world.. so i asked God if he'd get me a mac.. in fact.. i made a list of everything i would need to go to australia and began to pray that God would provide.. and the list was really long and a lot of the things on it were unnecessary (like sperrys and stella perfume.. thanks erin)... anyway.. the point is... i asked God for both things that i needed.. and things that i simply wanted... and today.. 4 months later.. i crossed the last thing off of the list.. this mac...  and the cool thing is i didn't have to pursue obtaining any of it.. it was all given to me as a gift.. or as a part of my new job.. like this mac.. so.. while i am not currently in australia, nor do i have a clue what the future holds... its just amazing to me how God blesses my heart by taking care of the little details of my life... it just proves that he's SO faithful.. and he really is a God who considers everything we do... 

Psalm 33:13-15 (New International Version)

 ¹³ From heaven the LORD looks down 
       and sees all mankind;

 ¹⁴ from his dwelling place he watches 
       all who live on earth-

 ¹⁵ he who forms the hearts of all, 
       who considers everything they do.

AND.. just for the record... the word 'consider' means to think about something deliberately or carefully; to reflect... the Lord thinks deliberately and carefully about everything we do... he's not too busy.. he doesn't have better things to do... He's God.. so there's no sense in wasting time trying to wrap our minds around whether or not it's possible for God to care about the small details of our lives.. we can just take it as truth and stand on it :)

MEANWHILE, on a less serious note.. today i made a video blog because i wanted to play with my new computer.. SO.. this is a semi-boring glimpse into what my day looks like as the Office Coordinator at New Life Church GLR... except for today was sort of a slow day.. i recorded this in the late afternoon when there wasn't much to do.. so it's not actually a very accurate depiction of what my day is like... nevertheless.. here ya go! 

 

erin...

there aren't very many relationships in life comparable to the relationship shared between sisters.. best friends come close.. but there is something different about having someone in your life that has been there at every milestone you've ever passed.. she's closer than a best friend.. she just knows you.. she can read the expression on your face just by hearing the tone in your voice over the phone.. and she can tell the difference between your fake smile and the smile that starts in your heart... she's watched you grow.. helped you conquer life's challenges.. she's seen you at your best and she's seen you at your VERY VERY worst.. she's laughed and shared in the happiest of memories.. and she's stuck with you through times of loss and brokenness.. and she knows exactly where you're coming from because she came from the same place..

our mom has always called erin and me "daylight and dark" because we are so different.. and i'm really hoping this doesn't carry any implications with it but... for some reason i'm darkness and she gets to be light.. i'm going to believe that it has to do with skin complexion and hair color.. and hopefully nothing else.. hmm.. but we are.. we're quite different.. everything from her bright blue eyes to my dark hazel eyes.. she's blonde and i'm brunette.. she's a genius at math and i can barely add... i love to write poems and songs.. and she loves to hear them ;) and we are different in other ways too.. ever since we were kids i've always kind of been the loud one who got into trouble whenever possible.. and she was always the angel child that all mothers hope and pray for.. and it doesn't matter how much i grow and change over the years.. i really did myself in as a youngster with that smart mouth of mine... i can't seem to shake the reputation of being somewhat of a tough-skinned spit-fire as far as my family is concerned.. but i promise.. no matter what they say.. i am sweet :) and erin will forever be the sensitive and gentle-hearted one.. you can't change that about her.. and no one ever should.. there is fierce strength within her sensitive heart.. and that is a gift.. God uses her to love and prayerfully protect so many of His own.. and she does it faithfully..

its an interesting thing.. growing up alongside a sister who is so much different than i am.. because it's such a natural tendency to look over at her and wonder how on earth we managed to come from exactly the same roots and be so very different in character.. and i think its a beautiful testimony of God's creativity.. he makes us all distinctly unique.. no two the same.. because we are all intended to bring him a different portion of His glory that only WE were designed to retreive.. which is incredible if you really think about it..

i am so thankful that God blessed me with such a beautiful sister to go through life with on this earth.. she is so good at knowing everything about me and still loving me... reminds me of Jesus :)

we are sisters.

we are friends...

"A sister is a little bit of childhood that can never be lost."
~Marion C. Garretty

love you erin :)

freezing cold friday fun night...

So today has been absolutely wonderful... i started out at work.. which was really great. fridays are my favorite because it's so laid back and i get off at noon... then i went to lunch with my mom.. which is always a treat.. we went to lenny's and she filled me in on all the latest american idol news.. top secret info that she found out by listening in on other people's conversations in the church office... i'd tell you what she said.. but then i'd have to kill you.. so you'll never get it out of me. ALSO a great fact about today is that i got my first pay check (!!) which enabled me to go shopping with one of my bffs and former roommate katy barber.. we went to park plaza mall and tore that sucker UP.. (which means we got heaps of awesome stuff) and it was totally God's favor bc we asked him to help us shop... People... God will go shopping with you.. you just have to ask!

anyway... then later on we came over to the Shatswell's residence.. where i am right now as i post this incredible video from tonight.. i'd like to preface this by saying that it's extremely cold.. something like 37 degrees and its raining outside.. and for some reason.. it feels like the north pole in this house... so we found some creative ways to get warmed up.. we sure do know how to have fun :)

ps.. i apologize for the shakey camera... and any quasi-questionable dancing... we are just keeping it real.

The definition of HOPE

it's monday night... and i'm sitting at my favorite coffee shop in town surrounded by friends.. all of them from different walks of life.. all of them have a different dream.. all of them are promised a hope and future... and as i sit here in my chair i can't stop thinking about the word hope.. have you ever considered the definition of hope? it is such a common word.. and it is everywhere in the Word of God.. we all talk about hope all the time... especially when it comes to the future... and i can't speak for everyone, but i think i've had the wrong idea of what the word actually stands for.. because i've always seen having hope about the future as just simply being optimistic.. having a positive outlook about life.. and maybe.. (fingers crossed) just maybe God will work things out in my favor... but if he doesn't... i'll just figure out how to be content with whatever happens... but after examining that belief... i'm positive that that view doesn't really line up with what i know about my beloved Jesus... nope. my God says it's safe to hope in Him.. so then what is the real definition of hope? the dictionary will tell you that hope is the feeling that what a person desires will turn out for the best... but the kind of hope described in the bible is more than a feeling.. having hope is more than seeing the glass as half full... i'll explain..


I am doing a beth moore bible study right now called "living beyond yourself" it's about the fruits of the spirit.. and today i started learning about patience.. one translation of the greek word for patience is a word that means endurance.. 1 Tessalonians 1:3 tells us that endurance is inspired by hope.. and there it is the infamous word: HOPE. the ability to persevere is born of hope.. think about it... to persevere means to be relentless in pursuit of a purposed goal... even in the face of opposition.. and the ability to do this comes from hope. there is no way that someone could acquire the strength and motivation to keep going.. and going.. and going... in the midst of wind and rain and trial and tribulation.. from hope.. if hope is just an optimistic feeling... because feelings are fleeting.. and they change like the weather... and they can't be trusted..


i learned today that the Greek word for hope is elpis, and it means the "desire of good with the expectation of obtaining it." EXPECTATION. hope is the expectation of promises fulfilled. there are no 'maybes' involved in hope.. it is not wishful thinking. It is expecting. believing. knowing. KNOWING that the fight is worth it.. no matter what you're facing... or how confused you are by what is or isn't going your way.. you KNOW that the outcome.. though it may be completely beyond your control... will shine with the glory of the Lord.. because He works all things together for the good of those who love Him... to Hope in the Lord is to KNOW His goodness.. and to swear by it.. to brace yourself with that knowledge.. and so we know the Word tells us in psalms to "be strong, take heart, all you who HOPE in the Lord.." but it could also be worded like this... "be strong, take heart, all you who know the Lord comes through on His promises..." and Jeremiah 29:11 says that the Lord's plan is to GIVE us hope for the future... so here is some good news.. we don't have to come up with hope on our own... hope comes from the Lord.. hope is a gift.. the ability to expect the Lord to deliver on his promises is a Gift.. a gift that comes along with being filled with the spirit... hope inspires endurance::patience... so as we wait on the Lord to deliver... he fills us with hope.. which is the knowledge of His faithfulness.. and we are able to smile at the future :)

true:false

Have you ever questioned whether or not what you are believing at any given moment on any given day.. is true? that question might seem confusing at first so i'm going to try to clarify.. I'm not talking about what you believe about creation.. or angels or demons.. or once-saved, always saved.. yadda yadda.. i'm actually talking about on a day-to-day basis.. the ideals, opinions and beliefs you reference in order to conjure up a reaction to everyday life... the way you perceive things.. what you believe about yourself.. your gifts.. your dreams... your weaknesses... is what you are believing actually TRUE? because the things we believe, whether they be true or false, govern our approach to just about everything: the way we interact with people, the effort we put forth at our job, even our approach to God...

this is SUCH an important concept to have on your radar at all times.. because the enemy is ever-so-tricky.. he's constantly throwing lies in our direction.. and i do mean constantly. if we aren't on our guard.. we'll make an agreement with him.. if we aren't paying attention.. we'll agree to take in a whispered falsehood that he managed to slip into our drink when we weren't looking... and then BAM. before you know it.. the untruth is in you... working itself into the way you think about EVERYTHING.

the only way i know how to further explain what i'm talking about is to tell you why this idea occurred to me in the first place.. a while back i read the book 'walking with God' by john eldridge (this book comes highly recommended by me by the way.. it will do wonders for your ability to hear God's voice telling you which way to go) there is a section in the book where he talks about asking God 2 questions pertaining to your daily walk: Lord, how do I think i'm doing? and Lord, how do YOU think i'm doing?

i have only done this twice.. the first time was the night i read about it in the book.. and i cannot tell you how vital it was for me to ask God to correct my thinking that night.. the way i was believing about myself was giving me a crooked and timid posture towards the Lord.. i'll explain. when i asked God to give me clarity about what I was believing about my daily walk with Him, the words that i sensed he was telling me were distracted and lame. so i went to one of my all-time-favorite websites for further understanding of what the Lord was trying to tell me: dictionary.com. lame means crippled or physically disabled; impaired; weak; inadequate; and unsatisfactory. distracted means having attention diverted; incapable of behaving, reacting, etc. in a normal manner due to worry or remorse. wow.. so, that sounds pretty bad, right? and unfortunately.. it was pretty accurate.. i was hanging my head pretty low at that time.. and my interaction with God was reflective of what i was believing.. i mean, there's no way i was going to be able to approach the throne of God with confidence if i was believing that trash.

so then i asked God to fill me in on how he thought i was doing.. and immediately the words rendered and reciprocated were resounding with my spirit.. i then looked up the definitions of course.. rendered means to be submitted or presented for for approval; to give or make available; to give what is due or owed; to surrender or relinquish; to be yielded. the Lord was telling me that he sees me. he sees my sacrifice and all of the things that i've laid at his feet in order to obey and love Him.. i don't know why.. but there is nothing like the affirmation that comes from knowing God sees you trying.. that he notices you.. immediately my walls came down.. and the barriers that were set in place to keep me from feeling the love of God came crashing down.. the Lord showed me that i'd been walking with my head down.. keeping busy.. and stiff-arming his affections toward me.. all because the enemy had me convinced that i sucked at loving God.. but the definition of the word reciprocated spoke truth into my low opinion of myself. reciprocated means to give or feel in return; to give and receive reciprocally; an interchange.. basically, the Lord let me know that he delights in the way i love Him.. that his heart races at even just one glance from me.. i smile at the thought of that.. even now :)

so that was an awesome interaction with God.. and surprisingly enough, weeks went by.. and i didn't ask God these 2 oh-so-important questions... and of course, the enemy set out to get me again... i was feeling discouraged.. and like so many times before.. i forgot to look around for my accuser..

but the Lord reminded me this weekend to ask Him again: Lord, how do i think i'm doing? The answer: despondent. Despondent? do i even know what that word means? nope. so i looked it up. the definition of despondent is feeling or showing profound hopelessness, dejection, discouragement, or gloom. ick. that's not a good thing to believe.. but there i was, believing it. so then i asked for the truth: God, how do you think i'm doing. His answer: radiant. radiant: emitting rays of light; shining bright; bright with joy, hope, etc; radiant smiles; a radiant future.. man. that is the EXACT opposite of what i was believing.. no surprise there.. stupid satan. and the cool thing about God saying that i am radiant is that (i realized this the next day after flipping back through a few weeks of my journal) last week i prayed that the Lord would make me radiant.. i actually took a verse that ben ghormley wrote for the song we are singing in a wedding this weekend and wrote it in my journal like a prayer:

make me radiant

without blemishes

i wanna be your blameless bride

pure and innocent

in your righteousness

i wanna meet you dressed in white...

anyway.. the lord was answering my prayer.. calling me the very thing that i had asked him to make me.. and immediately.. my wrong posture was corrected. my confidence was restored...

so.. ALL THIS (i realize this is a seriously long post) to say that it is so vital to ask the Lord to correct our wrong thinking.. we have to ask him to let us know if we are believing things that are false.. and counting them as true.. because the enemy is going to do what he can to shatter your confidence.. and if you are believing God's heart towards you to be anything less than "i love you daughter (son).. you are radiant with my light.. your life is my priority... " then maybe you should consider the source of your belief..

"No wepon formed against you will prevail, and you will refute every tongue that accuses you. This is the heritage of the servants of the Lord, and this is their vindication from me," declares the LORD.

Isaiah 54:7