the 90's called...

i had what some might consider to be a rough day yesterday... so i did what any normal healthy girl in her twenties would do... i went shopping. and i feel it necessary to bring this up.. who would have thought that the 90s would come back into style? and with such gusto?? OR that i would like it so much... if you would have asked me a couple years ago if i thought any trends from the 90's were salvageable.. i would have said no way. but i would have been wrong.. i bought this ruffeld skirt yesterday and wore it today to work with a tucked in white tank top and a tan cardigan.. it looks like material from one of my easter dresses when i was in pre-school.. and i'm pretty sure i haven't tucked in my shirt since 4th grade.. and let me tell you. that's when i was wearing no-no's such as all denim outfits and kelly kapowski bangs... high wasted jean shorts with a white tucked-in t-shirt.. topped off with a jean vest.. and not like a cool kind of vest... more like a jean jacket minus the sleeves.. like maybe invision a vest your mom might have worn when you were 10. i should probably add that i wasn't very fashion-savvy in the 90s.. which is why i'm thrilled to get a second shot at it.. enter:: my two new mini skirts and all the flower print dresses i've gotten for spring. the skirt featured below is pretty adorable. i, of course, wear it with tights because i'm not a skeez... this is just one of many items i've purchased that help me look similar to lisa turtle or blossom. thankyou forever21.. for helping the fashion dreams of my youth come true..

a simple song...

this is the song in my heart right now.. the words "all i know is i find rest in You" echo in my spirit.. because a lot of times i feel like i don't know anything about God.. He's so huge. so incomprehensible... and there are so many mysteries in his word to uncover that i can get overwhelmed and feel like i need to lock myself in a room for days and do nothing but read... it's almost a frantic feeling. like "God, there's so much to you.. there's NO WAY that i know you well.." to know God well is my ultimate goal in life... and it seems so lofty... especially since the enemy is constantly doing what he can to get in the way.. also, there's my wicked heart and the thorns in my flesh that i allow to hold me back... and then there's the fact that life is BUSY... especially at NLC.. our church is alive and growing and it takes people and time to keep it going.. i'm committed there.. and i forget about my first commitment.. quite a bit.

over the past couple of days i've been forbidden to get up and move around... i have to stay still or i won't get any better.. (it's the mono) .. mandatory rest. and i'm not good at it.. i like to stay busy.. but since i've had to stay still.. i've been reading a lot.. and God has been calling me into His rest. if there is one aspect of God's character that i am certain of.. it is that he invites us to rest in Him... the invitation is always open.. it's amazing how often we decline..

thank you Jesus that you always offer rest...

Your faithfullness endures always
Where mountains fall and reason fails
And You calm the raging seas
And You calm the storms in me, again

All I know is I find rest in You
All I know is I find rest in You

My heart will praise throughout the night
Where singing seems a sacrifice

And You calm the raging seas
And You calm the storms in me, again

All I know is I find rest in You
All I know is I find rest in You

Your grace is all I need
Your grace is all I need

oh my happy heart...

Saturday my bff greta (rebecca) took me on a walk around the block to take pictures of everything beautiful that's been springing up lately.. and of course... the mono made it challenging.. and the picture below probably makes it look like i died on our short voyage.. but alas, i was just getting a picture... i'm blessed to live in such a beautiful place :)

claiming things..

as i previously mentioned.. i love spring. at this point i'll also mention that tuesday i found out i have mono. that's right... the life ruining 6-weeks of nothing but sleep and more sleep. only to wake up and still be sleepy. maybe that sounds a bit dramatic? probably. all i know is i'm tired of not feeling good.. i mean. for crying out loud.. the daffodils are blooming and i'm stuck inside too tired to do anything.. blah..

i really feel like this sickness is more than just a sickness.. i know it's the enemy trying to keep me from being effective. when i don't feel good (which is most of the time) i use it as a reason to not pray or get into the word very much.. or even to just have a defeated posture.. and until recently i haven't been fighting back.. i just lay there and kind of accept the situation.. now granted, physical weakness is part of mono.. and is a little bit more difficult to fight.. since all i feel like doing is sleeping and i'm not strong enough to do much else.. BUT, my attitude on the other hand.. i feel like IS something i can fight to change for the better.. and that has a lot to do with faith...

i have to believe that God is healing me.. even when there is no evidence of it.. i have to know that there's more going on than meets the eye.. the Word of God says that our battles are not against flesh and blood.. right now i'm battling a sickness.. but i'm not going to let that sickness give the enemy a foothold with me.. and my body may be weak.. but my spirit can be strong.. my spirit doesn't have to grow weary...

i've been praying God's word over my body. I recently ordered a book off of amazon called "praying God's word" by Beth Moore.. It's a book about praying God's Word over your life to break free from strongholds... she takes scriptures and turns them into prayers that we can speak over ourselves to change the way we live our lives.. and there isn't a specific chapter about sickness.. but there is one about despair.. which is applicable to my situation in a lot of ways.. i don't remember ever being sick for more than 3 days.. and i've been feeling sick for about a month now with a headache.. and then strep throat.. and now i find out about mono.. i've just felt like this will never end.. and i need my mind to be renewed because we are transformed by the renewing of our minds.. so i've been praying God's word... prayer and God's word are the only agressive weapons we have against the one who steals, kills, and destroys what is intended for the ones who love Jesus: life to the fullest.

Today I prayed this one:

"Merciful Lord, restore to me the joy of your salvation and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me." psalm 51:12

I need that willing spirit.. i claim it today..

finally...

I love Spring.. I love how it fills me with the urge to enjoy my life... and i definitely love this verse. feel free to live your life this way today.. and everyday :)

Ecclesiastes 9:7
Seize life! Eat bread with gusto, Drink wine with a robust heart. Oh yes—God takes pleasure in your pleasure! Dress festively every morning. Don't skimp on colors and scarves. Relish life with the spouse you love Each and every day of your precarious life. Each day is God's gift. It's all you get in exchange For the hard work of staying alive. Make the most of each one! Whatever turns up, grab it and do it. And heartily! This is your last and only chance at it, For there's neither work to do nor thoughts to think In the company of the dead, where you're most certainly headed.

oh don't mind me...

today i didnt feel like doing much... so i creeped you all on facebook.. that's right.. every single one of you........... and i'm not even ashamed.

books...

lately i've been bored with reading.. nothing seems to grab my attention and hold it until the end of the very last page.. i'll start something with good intentions of learning and applying new knowledge to my life.. but i put it down 30 pages in.. never to pick it up again.. which is weird.. because i love to read.. and usually, all i want to do in my spare time is sit in a coffee shop and underline thought-provoking quotes in the latest book i've picked up.. but it's been a LONG time since a book really grabbed me.

tonight i stood in front of the bookshelf in my room and asked god to point to a book.. maybe there was one that i'd put down without finishing that i should pick back up.. or one i'd read before that would be good to read a second time.. but as i stood there glancing thru the titles of the books lining my shelves.. i felt uninspired.. so i went into the living room with my bible. i didn't get very far past 2 Peter 1:3 before i got into a conversation with my lovely roommate katy who was so graciously listening to me sulk about how somewhere along the way, i've lost a certain level of intimacy with the Lord and the craving for him that i had about a year and a half ago.. i was talking about how i just feel so busy.. but like i'm not getting any where. i'm not really sure what to do about my dreams. and a lot of times.. i'm too complacent to pray about them..

so she started pouring into me (such a blessing to live with someone who will pour into you and encourage you to seek God's heart) and she put a book in my hands that i'm certain will stir something up inside of me.. because the topic of the book is chasing the Holy Spirit.. and breaking free of "cages" that lure us into living lives less adventurous than God intended... and after reading the first few pages.. i already don't want to put it down.. (i have to tho bc it's the book katy's reading right now and i have to give it back) but basically.. after a bit of reading.. i can already see how i've grown bored with my faith.. and how i've let my dreams grow stagnant. aanyway... tonight i'm asking God to give me dreams bigger than the ones i already have... passions stronger than the ones i have now.. it's likely that God will not cause my dreams and passions to veer very far from the ones i already have.. but how will i know if i'm on track if i'm not asking God to breath on them and cultivate them according to what HE wants for me. i might even already have a pretty good idea of what my dreams are.. but chances are.. God's idea of what they look like coming to fruition is different (and better) than my befuddled rendition of what will come to pass.. and most importantly... kingdom dreams arise from knowing God's spirit.. being familiar with His heartbeat.. and recognizing His voice... i refuse to be bored with my faith any longer.. obviously, based on God's very character.. there is more than what i've found thus far... there is always more. i can't wait to finish this book...

"We start dying when we have nothing worth living for. And we don't really start living until we find something worth dying for."-- Mark Batterson, Wild Goose Chase.

Maybe our truest passions are the only things (at least in my case) that can completely convince us to deny ourselves and live sacrificially... God show me what i'd be willing to die for.