oh don't mind me...

today i didnt feel like doing much... so i creeped you all on facebook.. that's right.. every single one of you........... and i'm not even ashamed.

books...

lately i've been bored with reading.. nothing seems to grab my attention and hold it until the end of the very last page.. i'll start something with good intentions of learning and applying new knowledge to my life.. but i put it down 30 pages in.. never to pick it up again.. which is weird.. because i love to read.. and usually, all i want to do in my spare time is sit in a coffee shop and underline thought-provoking quotes in the latest book i've picked up.. but it's been a LONG time since a book really grabbed me.

tonight i stood in front of the bookshelf in my room and asked god to point to a book.. maybe there was one that i'd put down without finishing that i should pick back up.. or one i'd read before that would be good to read a second time.. but as i stood there glancing thru the titles of the books lining my shelves.. i felt uninspired.. so i went into the living room with my bible. i didn't get very far past 2 Peter 1:3 before i got into a conversation with my lovely roommate katy who was so graciously listening to me sulk about how somewhere along the way, i've lost a certain level of intimacy with the Lord and the craving for him that i had about a year and a half ago.. i was talking about how i just feel so busy.. but like i'm not getting any where. i'm not really sure what to do about my dreams. and a lot of times.. i'm too complacent to pray about them..

so she started pouring into me (such a blessing to live with someone who will pour into you and encourage you to seek God's heart) and she put a book in my hands that i'm certain will stir something up inside of me.. because the topic of the book is chasing the Holy Spirit.. and breaking free of "cages" that lure us into living lives less adventurous than God intended... and after reading the first few pages.. i already don't want to put it down.. (i have to tho bc it's the book katy's reading right now and i have to give it back) but basically.. after a bit of reading.. i can already see how i've grown bored with my faith.. and how i've let my dreams grow stagnant. aanyway... tonight i'm asking God to give me dreams bigger than the ones i already have... passions stronger than the ones i have now.. it's likely that God will not cause my dreams and passions to veer very far from the ones i already have.. but how will i know if i'm on track if i'm not asking God to breath on them and cultivate them according to what HE wants for me. i might even already have a pretty good idea of what my dreams are.. but chances are.. God's idea of what they look like coming to fruition is different (and better) than my befuddled rendition of what will come to pass.. and most importantly... kingdom dreams arise from knowing God's spirit.. being familiar with His heartbeat.. and recognizing His voice... i refuse to be bored with my faith any longer.. obviously, based on God's very character.. there is more than what i've found thus far... there is always more. i can't wait to finish this book...

"We start dying when we have nothing worth living for. And we don't really start living until we find something worth dying for."-- Mark Batterson, Wild Goose Chase.

Maybe our truest passions are the only things (at least in my case) that can completely convince us to deny ourselves and live sacrificially... God show me what i'd be willing to die for.