in line at panera bread...

i realized something while i was in line at panera bread the other day... if we fix our eyes on anything but Jesus, we will be completely miserable. i know this because i am oh-so-human.. and i fix my eyes on the wrong things all the time. i look to people.. or dreams of what could be.. and i think "if this thing works out... i'll be the happiest girl alive.." and for awhile i'll be motivated and excited by whatever it is.. and even able to produce a sort of faux-contentedness that way.. but it does not sustain me. i feel like i'm always waiting for something that never comes..

but seriously.. i was just standing there in line at panera, running over the details of my life in its current state.. and longing for things to be different.. and it hit me at that moment that i was doing my best to tuck away an underlying miserable feeling that seemed to persist.. it makes me think of the line in that john foreman song "You Lord, are God of the present tense." The present tense. The here and now. If He is who he says he is.. then He is enough for now. And when i can humble myself enough to remember that.. I'm totally satisfied. i remember that whatever it is in my life that i think should change.. but it isn't changing.. i can actually view as my cross to bear.. and endure it for the Joy set before me...

it is in those rare moments, when the being whom i was created to know and be known by steals my attention away from every other trivial thing that somehow has me in a daze... that i am completely aware that i've been distracted. but that's me.. i'm easily distracted and prone to wander.. i am unfaithful and a my heart is wicked.... but God is still fighting for my love... grace is the best thing that ever happened to me...